WHO I WAS

"WHO I WAS" is an intensely vulnerable, introspective dialogue between NF and mgk that explores the excruciating but necessary process of shedding one's former identity to find true healing. The central theme of the song is the confrontation of personal failures, generational trauma, and the search for authentic self-discovery. Rather than presenting a polished narrative of triumph, the artists invite the listener into a raw, unfiltered "therapy session" where they dismantle their public personas to expose their deepest wounds.

The song is structured around several core narrative threads:

• Spiritual Redemption and Grace: mgk addresses his return to faith after decades of estrangement. He emphasizes a non-judgmental, welcoming God who accepts him unconditionally, contrasting with the rigid archetypes society often imposes on troubled individuals.
• Generational Trauma: NF delves deeply into the cycle of toxic behaviors. He candidly admits his inability to regulate his emotions—a deficit he traces back to his childhood household—and voices a heartbreaking fear that his own children will inherit these destructive loops.
• The Duality of Love and Sabotage: Both artists highlight their self-sabotaging tendencies. mgk reflects on broken relationships, lost friendships, and a failed engagement, while NF admits to a toxic pattern of claiming to love someone "to death" while simultaneously treating them "like nothing but trash".

Ultimately, the burning motif in the chorus signifies a symbolic death and rebirth. The "ash and dust" represent the destruction of who they thought they were, suggesting that true growth can only begin once the ego and past mistakes are entirely incinerated to make room for a new self.

The narrative unfolds with a raw, acoustic canvas where Colson Baker, known as MGK, struggles to find his bearings. He depicts himself caught in the gridlock of life, desperately steering toward a home that feels entirely alien. Guided by a fragmented heart, his journey is metaphorically mapped onto the tragic loss of his father—whose ashes, scattered in the back of a rental vehicle, mirror the wreckage of his own lessons. He reflects on how every love he builds eventually turns to ash, how immense financial success left him feeling spiritually bankrupt, and how the false security of silence hid his deepest concerns. Searching for an escape from this figurative hell, he describes a return to his faith. After over two decades of dodging the divine, he finds redemption not in harsh judgment but in open, unconditional embrace that erases the painful expectations of what a troubled soul like him was destined to become.

Yet, the shadows of the past still linger; he mourns the loss of his best friend, carrying heavy regrets and the guilt of a broken bond, leaving behind a frozen heart and an engagement ring. Standing in the metaphorical fire, he strives to melt the icy remnants of his past relationships.

Nathan Feuerstein, performing as NF, then steps forward to tackle his own internal storm. His verse begins with an urgent, visceral plea to find peace amid explosive emotional outbursts, admitting to a fundamental inability to self-regulate because emotional intelligence was never modeled in his childhood home. Stepping back to look at his own children's innocent smiles, a wave of melancholy washes over him. He harbors a profound, crushing fear that they might inherit his emotional struggles, trapping them in the same destructive cycle that has bound him. He reflects on his volatility—the painful dynamic of professing deep, undying love one moment, only to lash out and treat his loved ones like trash the next. The song ends with both artists acknowledging their flaws, recognizing that in order to rebuild themselves, they must first allow the illusions of who they thought they were to burn completely to ash.

The collaboration between NF (Nathan Feuerstein) and mgk (Colson Baker) was highly anticipated by fans for years, as both artists have spent over a decade dominating distinct yet overlapping pockets of emotional, introspective rap. "WHO I WAS" was released on November 13, 2025, serving as the promotional single for NF's third EP, titled FEAR, which dropped the following day on November 14, 2025.

The song was written and composed by Nathan Feuerstein, Colson Baker, Jeff Sojka, and Aaron Chafin, with production handled by NF, Sojka, and Chafin. The creative process behind the song emphasizes raw, authentic emotion over polished perfectionism. Notably, mgk recorded his verse in a single, unpolished take, capturing the immediate, chaotic energy of his headspace. The track deliberately leaves in behind-the-scenes studio moments, such as mgk requesting the producer to turn his vocals up and let the track run, and NF speaking directly about messing up a portion of his delivery. These deliberate "mistakes" were preserved in the final mix to emphasize the theme of embracing vulnerability and imperfection.

The rhyme and rhythmic patterns of "WHO I WAS" highlight the distinct flows of both rappers while reinforcing the song's therapeutic theme:

Rhyme Scheme and Flow: mgk utilizes a dense, fast-paced stream-of-consciousness flow, utilizing complex internal rhymes and slant rhymes (e.g., matching "casket" with "knelt on that", and "wedding" with "left all that"). He also employs a clever, rapid-fire internal rhyme scheme with words like "vagabond", "bond", and "Boca Raton". NF's rhythm is more measured and calculated, matching his perfectionist style. He uses driving, punchy end rhymes ("down", "how", "house", "sad", "Dad", "am") that mimic the relentless, trapped feeling of being stuck in a mental loop.

Rhythmic Interplay: The slow, steady acoustic guitar provides a stable, melancholic rhythmic anchor. Over this slow tempo, both artists rap with high rhythmic density, creating a feeling of tension between the calm of the instrumental and the anxiety of their vocal deliveries. This contrast perfectly mirrors the struggle of trying to "calm down" while the mind is racing.

Literary and musical stylistic choices in "WHO I WAS" are carefully coordinated to convey absolute sincerity:

Vocal Delivery and Contrast: The track showcases a stark contrast in vocal performance between the two artists. mgk delivers his verse with a frantic, breathless, and unpolished cadence that mirrors his inner chaos. In contrast, NF utilizes a dynamic double-delivery: starting with a softer, intensely self-aware voice before shifting into a harsher, frustrated, and aggressive tone that reflects his battle with his inner "temper".

Acoustic Minimalism: Departing from the heavy, cinematic orchestral production typically associated with NF's anthems, this track is stripped down to a simple, delicate acoustic guitar riff. This minimalistic choice leaves the artists' voices completely exposed, ensuring that the listener's focus remains entirely on the emotional weight of the lyrics.

Meta-Commentary and Studio Chatter: The inclusion of raw studio dialogue—such as mgk asking to "turn my vocals up" and NF admitting "I know I messed that part up"—serves as a unique stylistic technique. It breaks the fourth wall, reminding the listener that they are witnessing a real, flawed human process rather than a manufactured pop product.

Upon its release in late 2025, "WHO I WAS" was recognized as a landmark collaboration in the alternative hip-hop scene. Fans of both NF and mgk had long discussed a potential pairing due to their shared focus on raw mental health themes, making the track a highly discussed event upon its release.

The song achieved significant commercial and critical success, charting internationally. It debuted at number 62 on the US Billboard Hot 100 and reached number 13 on the Hot R&B/Hip-Hop Songs chart. It also performed exceptionally well on streaming platforms, resonating deeply with communities focused on mental health advocacy and recovery. Culturally, the track is celebrated for bringing out a highly vulnerable, rap-focused performance from mgk, reminding audiences of his early hip-hop roots, while continuing NF's legacy of using music as an uncompromising, cinematic vehicle for personal therapy.

The song is rich with vivid metaphors and symbolic imagery that deepen its emotional weight:

• GPS with No Address: mgk uses this metaphor to describe a profound state of being lost and directionless in life. He is trying to navigate toward "a home that [he's] never known," symbolizing a yearning for emotional stability and belonging that he has never actually experienced.
• Scattered Ashes in a Rental Car: The literal scattering of mgk's father's ashes in the back of a rental car serves as a powerful metaphor for his own fragmented life and the unresolved grief and chaos he carries with him.
• Serpent's Tongue: This classic biblical image symbolizes split personality, self-deception, and toxic communication. mgk uses it to describe how his identity was fractured from a young age, leaving poison in his system.
• Ash and Dust / Burning Up: The central motif of the chorus. Fire acts as a cleansing, transformative force. To have "nothing left of who I thought I was" means the destructive illusions of their past selves must be completely incinerated to allow an authentic self to emerge.
• The Frozen Heart: Symbolizing emotional numbness and defense mechanisms built to guard against pain, which mgk tries to melt by standing in the heat of his trials.

Several central motifs tie the collaborative track together:

• The "Lash Out / Calm Down" Loop: NF's hook/bridge-like chanting of "Lash out / Need to take a breath and calm down" acts as a recurring structural motif. This repetition emphasizes the obsessive, repetitive nature of his anxiety and anger issues—it is a cycle he feels trapped in, repeating the words like an internal mantra.
• The Fire and Burn Motif: The word "burn" is echoed in the background of the chorus and bridge. It links mgk's lyric about standing in the fire to melt his frozen heart with the chorus's assertion that everything they care about is "burning up". It symbolizes the painful process of purification.
• Spoken Outtakes: The recurring motif of leaving raw, conversational filler in the track acts as a thematic device to strip away the "celebrity" facade, proving that the artists are practicing what they preach by showing their unedited selves.