grave

grave is a poignant exploration of the limits of love and the necessity of self-preservation in the face of a toxic relationship. At its core, the song deals with the painful acceptance that one cannot change a partner, no matter how much love or effort is poured into them.

The central theme revolves around the metaphor of 'digging a grave.' This imagery suggests that the partner's actions are self-destructive and are actively burying the relationship. The narrator realizes that staying involved means being pulled into this hole along with them. It speaks to the danger of the 'saviour complex,' where one person tries to compensate for the other's lack of effort or stability.

Lyrically, the song dissects the dynamics of unrequited effort. Lines like 'I could never make you want me like I wanted to be wanted' expose the deep insecurity and sorrow of loving someone who cannot reciprocate with the same intensity. The song charts a journey from trying to 'fix it' to recognizing that they were 'nothing at all.' It is a narrative of empowerment found through resignation—by stopping the attempt to save the relationship, the narrator saves herself.

The song opens with an admission of stubbornness and emotional persistence, where the narrator confesses to holding onto grudges with the same intensity she held onto her partner. She reflects on the imbalance of the relationship, noting that while she offered multiple chances and sympathy, her partner wasted them. She questions how her genuine attempts to fix their broken dynamic were dismissed or twisted into her simply having to forgive him again.

As the narrative moves into the chorus, the central metaphor emerges: the partner is metaphorically digging a hole or a 'grave' for the relationship. The narrator realizes that there is a limit to how deep he can go before he inevitably drags her down with him. She laments the futility of her efforts, acknowledging that she could never force him to desire her the way she needed to be desired, nor could she change his fundamental nature. She accepts that she was trying to build a future on a non-existent foundation.

In the second verse, the perspective shifts to the aftermath. The partner is out seeking distraction with friends, while the narrator recognizes the irony of the situation. The tables have turned; where she once chased him, he is now the one calling incessantly. She observes the pathetic nature of a 'tough guy' pleading for a return to the status quo. The song concludes with a bridge that highlights a painful truth: he did 'have' her for a moment, but his inability to admit his feelings or commit led to the finality of their separation. Ultimately, she resigns herself to the fact that she cannot save something—or someone—that is already gone.

grave was released on December 8, 2023, as a track on Tate McRae's second studio album, Think Later. The song was co-written by Tate McRae, Brittany Amaradio (known professionally as Delacey), and Ido Zmishlany, with production handled by Myles Avery, Luka Kloser, and Zmishlany.

Notably, Tate McRae chose to debut the song live on Saturday Night Live on November 18, 2023, weeks before the album's official release. In an interview with Tom Power, McRae explained that she fought to perform this specific track to showcase her roots as a singer-songwriter, contrasting it with her dance-heavy hits like 'greedy'. She described the song as being about a specific relationship she experienced that year, marking the moment she realized she could no longer help her partner without losing herself.

The song was also teased as an 'Easter egg' in the music video for her single 'exes,' where it can be heard playing on the car radio in the final scene, hinting at its significance in the album's narrative arc.

The song generally follows an ABAB or AABB rhyme scheme depending on the section, often utilizing slant rhymes (e.g., 'deep' and 'plead', 'fix it' and 'forgive it') which give the lyrics a natural, conversational flow rather than a rigid poetic structure. This imperfection mirrors the messy nature of the relationship described.

Rhythmically, the vocal melody is syncopated against the steady, slow tempo of the instrumental. The phrasing often feels slightly behind the beat, contributing to a feeling of reluctance or dragging, which fits the theme of being pulled down. The chorus features a more driving, repetitive rhythmic hook ('wanted to be wanted') that mimics the cyclical thoughts of the narrator.

Musical Arrangement: The song is a stripped-back ballad that contrasts with the trap-pop and dance-pop heavy sound of the rest of the Think Later album. It relies on a melancholic piano progression and atmospheric synths to create a sense of intimacy and vulnerability. The production builds slowly, adding subtle percussion to mirror the rising emotional tension without ever exploding into a full upbeat track.

Vocal Delivery: Tate McRae employs a breathy, emotive vocal style. She uses her lower register to convey weariness in the verses and pushes into a more powerful, pleading tone in the chorus. The delivery is conversational yet melodic, emphasizing the personal nature of the lyrics.

Literary Devices: The lyrics utilize irony in the second verse ('Tables turned... Watchin' the tough guy plead') to show the shift in power dynamics. Repetition is used effectively in the phrase 'With you, with you, with you' to emphasize the fear of being dragged down.

While not released as a primary radio single, grave holds a significant place in the Think Later era as the emotional anchor of the album. Its performance on Saturday Night Live was a pivotal moment for McRae, allowing her to demonstrate her vocal ability and artistry to a global audience, countering the 'TikTok dancer' narrative.

The song resonated deeply with fans for its raw depiction of toxic relationships, often being cited in reviews and social media discussions as one of the album's lyrical highlights. It showcases the 'sad girl' pop aesthetic that has been culturally dominant in the 2020s, aligning McRae with contemporaries like Olivia Rodrigo and Billie Eilish.

The primary symbol in the track is the grave. Rather than representing physical death, it symbolizes the inevitable end of the relationship and the depth of the partner's self-sabotage. The act of 'digging' represents the partner's repeated mistakes and bad choices. The warning that he will 'take me down with you' illustrates the collateral damage of loving a self-destructive person.

The lyric 'I hold my grudges like I held you' is a powerful simile comparing emotional baggage to physical intimacy. It suggests that the narrator loves fiercely but also remembers hurt with the same intensity; her capacity for love is linked to her capacity for pain. The phrase 'trying to make us something out of nothing' acts as a metaphor for illusion, highlighting that the relationship's potential existed only in her mind, not in reality.

The phrase 'You can only dig the grave so deep' is the central motif, repeated to reinforce the limit of the narrator's tolerance. It serves as the boundary line she finally draws.

Another recurring element is the concept of 'wanted'. The line 'I could never make you want me like I wanted to be wanted' is a hook that encapsulates the core conflict: the asymmetry of desire. The repetition of the word 'wanted' highlights the desperation and the specific need for reciprocity that was never met.