Suicidal

"Suicidal" is a raw and introspective exploration of the destructive aftermath of a toxic relationship. The central theme revolves around the intense pain of heartbreak caused by a partner's infidelity. YNW Melly uses the word "suicidal" not to refer to a literal desire to end his life, but as a powerful metaphor to describe the all-consuming, self-destructive nature of his love for this person. The affection he felt and the pain it has now caused are so intertwined that the love itself becomes a fatal force. The lyrics convey a profound sense of betrayal, with lines like "I thought that we were meant to be / You took my heart and made it bleed," illustrating a shattered belief in a shared future. The song captures the feeling of having invested everything into a relationship, only to be left with nothing but anguish and regret. It also delves into unhealthy coping mechanisms, specifically referencing the use of Hennessy to drown sorrows, which only exacerbates his emotional torment.

The song narrates the emotional turmoil following a devastating breakup. The protagonist begins by stating that his lover’s affection is tantamount to suicide, a recurring theme that underscores the depth of his pain. He believed their relationship was destined to last forever, but she betrayed his trust, leaving him emotionally scarred and bleeding. He had given her his all, his moments of pure joy and ecstasy, yet he feels she will ultimately be the cause of his death. The imagery of her lipstick on his Hennessy bottle signifies the lingering memories of their intimacy, now tainted with sorrow. He feels as though his very soul has been taken from him, as if he's under the devil's influence, highlighting a complete loss of self.

As he consumes more Hennessy to numb the pain, he grapples with the fear of losing his conscience and sanity. The alcohol, a misguided attempt at escape, only deepens his despair. He acknowledges that she was a lesson he needed to learn, albeit a painful one. A significant shift occurs as he expresses regret and anger, wishing he had never confessed his love and cursing her for the betrayal. The 'bridges burned' metaphor signifies the irreversible end of their connection. The repetition of the central idea—'your love is suicidal'—functions as a haunting chorus, emphasizing that the love he experienced was fatally destructive. He cycles through memories of their perceived destiny and the brutal reality of her betrayal, which he feels both physically and mentally. The narrative concludes with this cyclical thought pattern, trapping him in a loop of love, pain, and regret, with no resolution in sight, perpetually sipping on Hennessy as a coping mechanism.

"Suicidal" was released on November 22, 2019, as the second single from YNW Melly's debut studio album, Melly vs. Melvin. The song was written by YNW Melly (Jamell Demons) and its producer, Z3N (Juan Guerrieri-Maril). According to Z3N, the track was created very quickly; Melly started rapping the lyrics, and Z3N developed the piano melody and beat around it. The recording session reportedly took place just one day before YNW Melly turned himself in to authorities on first-degree murder charges in February 2019, adding a layer of real-world gravity to the song's dark themes. Due to Melly's incarceration, the official music video was an animated piece directed by Tristan Zammit, which visually interpreted the song's emotional landscape. The song gained significant traction, partly due to its popularity on the social media platform TikTok. A remix featuring the late rapper Juice WRLD was released on March 13, 2020. This collaboration was previewed by Melly in December 2019, coincidentally on the day of Juice WRLD's death, and it became Juice WRLD's third posthumous feature.

The song follows a relatively simple structure common in hip-hop, with a consistent, moderate tempo that contributes to its somber and contemplative feel. The rhythm is driven by a trap-style beat with prominent hi-hats and a deep 808 bassline. Lyrically, YNW Melly employs a mix of perfect rhymes and near rhymes, often at the end of lines, to create a cohesive flow. For example, in the verse, 'I thought that we were meant to be / You took my heart and made it bleed / I gave you all my ecstasy / I know you'll be the death of me,' the 'ee' sound is repeated, creating an AAAA rhyme scheme. The vocal delivery is fluid and melodic, often blurring the line between rapping and singing. This melodic flow glides over the beat, and its rhythmic cadence is more conversational and emotionally driven than strictly metrical. The repetition of the hook, both lyrically and melodically, makes it the song's anchor, reinforcing the central theme and making the track memorable.

"Suicidal" blends melodic, auto-tuned vocal delivery with the rhythmic cadence of trap music, a style characteristic of emo rap. YNW Melly's vocal performance is notable for its emotive and somewhat tender quality, which creates a stark contrast with the harsh, violent nature of the lyrical themes—a signature element of his music. The production by Z3N is relatively sparse, centered around a somber, repetitive piano motif that establishes the melancholic mood. This minimalist beat allows Melly's vocals and the emotional weight of the lyrics to remain the central focus. The song employs a first-person narrative, creating a deeply personal and confessional tone that invites the listener into the artist's tormented headspace. The animated music video further enhances the song's style, using an anime-influenced aesthetic with surreal, associative imagery (e.g., hands morphing into bottles) to visualize the protagonist's internal crisis and loss of control.

"Suicidal" became one of YNW Melly's most successful songs, achieving significant commercial success despite his incarceration. It was his second single to enter the Billboard Hot 100 top 20, peaking at number 20. The song's popularity was amplified by its virality on TikTok, where it was used in countless videos, exposing it to a massive global audience. The release of the remix featuring a posthumous verse from fellow emo rap icon Juice WRLD further boosted its profile and resonated deeply with fans of both artists, who often explored similar themes of heartbreak and mental health. The animated music video, influenced by anime series like Samurai Champloo and FLCL, was also praised for its creative approach to visualizing the song's themes. The track solidified YNW Melly's status as a prominent figure in the emo rap subgenre, known for blending melodic vulnerability with raw, dark lyrical content. However, the song and Melly's career are invariably discussed in the context of his ongoing, serious legal troubles, which adds a complex and somber layer to its reception.

The song is built around a central, powerful metaphor: 'Your love is suicidal.' This isn't a literal confession of suicidal intent but a figurative expression of extreme emotional distress. The love he experienced is portrayed as a toxic, destructive force that leads to the death of his spirit and sense of self. Other significant symbols include:

• Hennessy: The cognac is repeatedly mentioned as a coping mechanism. 'Left lipstick on my Hennessy' symbolizes a memory of intimacy now tainted by the pain of the breakup. Sipping Hennessy represents his attempt to numb the pain, but also his descent into a self-destructive cycle.
• The Devil: The line 'Felt like the devil got a hold on me' symbolizes his feeling of being consumed by negativity and losing control over his own emotions and actions, attributing this loss to the toxic influence of his former lover.
• Burned Bridges: The phrase 'you let our bridges burn' is a classic metaphor for the irreversible end of a relationship. It signifies that the connection is permanently severed, with no possibility of return or reconciliation.

The most significant recurring phrase in the song is the title itself, "Your love is suicidal," which appears in the intro, chorus, and outro. This repetition hammers home the central metaphor of the song: that the love he experienced was fatally toxic and self-destructive. It serves as the thematic core and the main lyrical hook. Another recurring motif is the act of sipping Hennessy. This is mentioned multiple times as the narrator's primary coping mechanism for the emotional pain. Its repetition highlights a cycle of dependency and a futile attempt to escape his feelings. The line "I thought that we were meant to be" also reappears, contrasting the narrator's past hopes and dreams with the painful present reality of betrayal, emphasizing the depth of his disillusionment.