Jocelyn Flores

"Jocelyn Flores" is a raw and poignant tribute to XXXTENTACION's friend of the same name, who died by suicide in May 2017 while visiting him in Florida. The song is a direct expression of the guilt, grief, and depression the artist experienced following her death. Lyrically, it's a journey into his mind as he processes the tragic news. He opens with feelings of being trapped in his thoughts about her ("I've been trapped in my mind, girl, just holding on"), before graphically describing the moment he received the phone call about her death and the subsequent self-hatred that consumed him ("Girl that you fucked with killed herself... And ever since then, man, I hate myself"). The song delves into themes of mental illness, not just his own suicidal thoughts ("I'm in pain, wanna put 10 shots in my brain") but also intergenerational trauma, referencing his uncle's own struggles ("my uncle playing with a slipknot"). The overarching message is a commentary on the devastating impact of suicide, the burden of guilt, and how society often fails to help those who are struggling. The feeling of numbness as a defense mechanism against overwhelming pain is a central theme, as repeated in the pre-outro: "I be feeling pain, I be feeling pain just to hold on / And I don't feel the same, I'm so numb."

The song opens with a melancholic and soulful vocal sample from Shiloh Dynasty, expressing a deep sense of knowing someone intimately. This sets a tone of close connection and vulnerability right from the start. The sample fades into XXXTENTACION's part, where he immediately establishes a feeling of being mentally ensnared and lost. He confesses to being trapped within his own mind, holding onto something or someone that is no longer there. There's a stark admission of denial and the painful reality of a relationship that has become nothing, yet he is unable to stop thinking about the person he has lost. This section conveys a deep sense of emotional paralysis and heartache.

The narrative then takes a brutally direct and shocking turn. XXXTENTACION recounts receiving a phone call with the devastating news that a girl he was involved with has taken her own life. He expresses profound guilt and self-loathing, questioning how such a tragedy could happen without anyone offering help. This event becomes a catalyst for intense self-hatred, pushing him to the brink of wanting to end his own life. He explicitly mentions wanting to put "10 shots in my brain," a graphic depiction of his suicidal ideation. The verse is a raw outpouring of pain, regret, and the unbearable weight of responsibility he feels. He describes his mental state as a volatile mix of suicidal thoughts and a simultaneous, paradoxical sense of calm or tameness.

He continues by lashing out at the world and his own circumstances. He mentions the pessimistic outlook of others who seem to revel in his potential downfall, speaking of conversations about his "haste decisions." This highlights a sense of persecution and misunderstanding from the outside world. The pain is then compounded by memories of his own family's trauma, specifically mentioning his uncle's struggle with a "slipknot," a clear reference to a suicide attempt. This reveals a generational cycle of pain and mental health struggles. He connects his current post-traumatic stress to past experiences, including a period of incarceration, showing how these layers of trauma have accumulated over time, leaving him feeling persistently "fucked up."

The song concludes with a repeating refrain that encapsulates his emotional state: a cycle of feeling intense pain just to hold on to life, which in turn leads to a profound numbness. He feels pain to feel anything at all, yet this constant state of suffering has desensitized him, making him feel unlike his former self. The song fades out with the same Shiloh Dynasty sample from the beginning, bringing the listener back to the initial feeling of intimacy but now colored by the tragic story that has unfolded. It creates a haunting loop, suggesting that the memory and the pain are inescapable.

The song was created as a memorial for Jocelyn Amparo Flores, a 16-year-old from the Bronx who had been living in Ohio. XXXTENTACION (Jahseh Onfroy) discovered her on Twitter and, taken by her photos, invited her to Florida to model for his "Revenge" clothing line. The visit, which began in May 2017, was also intended to be romantic. A conflict arose when Onfroy accused either Flores or another woman staying with them of stealing $7,000 in cash. In the ensuing argument, he told both women they had to leave and rescinded the modeling offer for Flores. Soon after, on May 14, 2017, Jocelyn Flores died by suicide in a hotel room.

Deeply affected by the event, XXXTENTACION wrote and recorded "Jocelyn Flores" for his debut studio album, 17, which was released on August 25, 2017. The song was recorded at Art House studio in Florida. According to mix engineer JonFX, the recording session was emotionally charged, with Onfroy experiencing significant pain but ultimately finding a sense of relief. Another engineer, Koen Heldens, noted that the raw emotion of the track took him by surprise, as it contrasted sharply with the aggressive style of XXXTENTACION's earlier work. The song was built around a pre-existing beat by producer Potsu titled "I'm Closing My Eyes," which itself samples the haunting vocals of the enigmatic singer Shiloh Dynasty. "Jocelyn Flores" was released as the album's second single to rhythmic radio on October 31, 2017.

The song's rhyme and rhythm are structured to emphasize its emotional weight and narrative flow. The track largely utilizes a free verse structure, particularly in the verse, which allows for a more natural, story-like delivery. XXXTENTACION employs multi-syllabic and slant rhymes to connect his lines, such as the pairing of "brain," "change," and "tame." This creates a subtle lyrical cohesion without adhering to a rigid, predictable scheme. For instance, in the verse, he rhymes "brain" with "change" and "maintain," and later connects "helped," "myself," and "end it" (pessimistic) through assonance and consonance rather than perfect rhyme. The rhythm of his vocal delivery is conversational and urgent, often flowing across the beat rather than locking strictly into it. This creates a tension between the steady, looping beat and the chaotic, pained thoughts being expressed. The tempo of 134 BPM is relatively upbeat, but the somber instrumentation and X's delivery give the song its heavy, melancholic feel, creating a powerful contrast that reflects his description of being "suicidal, same time I'm tame."

"Jocelyn Flores" is defined by its minimalist and emotionally direct style.

• Musical Techniques: The song's foundation is a sample of Potsu's lo-fi track "I'm Closing My Eyes," which features a melancholic guitar loop and the ethereal, sorrowful vocals of Shiloh Dynasty. This sample immediately creates a somber, introspective atmosphere. The production is deliberately sparse, with a simple, subdued beat that keeps the focus squarely on the vocals. The tempo is a relatively fast 134 BPM, which contrasts with the song's low energy, creating a sense of anxious stillness. The overall sound is characteristic of the lo-fi hip-hop and emo rap subgenres, prioritizing raw emotion and atmosphere over polished production.
• Literary & Vocal Techniques: XXXTENTACION's vocal delivery is a key stylistic element. He shifts from a melodic, mournful tone in the bridge to a more declamatory, almost spoken-word rap in the verse. This shift enhances the narrative, moving from internalized grief to an outward expression of pain and anger. His delivery is raw and unpolished, conveying a sense of immediacy and authenticity. The lyrics employ direct, confessional storytelling, avoiding elaborate metaphors in favor of blunt, impactful statements like "Girl that you fuck with killed herself." This journalistic approach to lyricism makes the story feel immediate and shockingly real.

"Jocelyn Flores" became one of XXXTENTACION's most significant and enduring songs, having a major cultural impact. Upon its release, it debuted at number 31 on the US Billboard Hot 100, becoming his highest-charting song at the time. Following his death in June 2018, the song re-entered the charts and peaked at number 19. It achieved massive commercial success globally, earning multi-platinum certifications in the US (8x), UK (2x), Denmark (2x), and Italy (2x), and a Diamond certification in France. The song was a cornerstone of the album 17, which was praised for its vulnerability and its role in cementing the emo rap and SoundCloud rap movements in the mainstream. Its raw depiction of depression, suicide, and grief resonated deeply with a young audience, and it is often cited by fans as a song that helped them through their own mental health struggles. The track's distinctive lo-fi sound, built on the Potsu and Shiloh Dynasty sample, influenced countless other artists in the subgenre. Despite some controversy regarding XXXTENTACION using Flores' name without her family's explicit permission, the song remains a powerful anthem of mourning and mental health awareness for his generation.

"Jocelyn Flores" uses direct, raw language more than complex metaphors, but it contains powerful symbolic imagery.

• The "Slipknot": The mention of his uncle "playing with a slipknot" is a stark, visceral image for a noose and a suicide attempt. It symbolizes the cycle of depression and trauma within his own family, suggesting that his pain is not an isolated experience but part of a larger, inherited burden.
• Being "Trapped in My Mind": This phrase acts as a central metaphor for the experience of severe depression and grief. It portrays his mental state as a prison from which he cannot escape, constantly replaying traumatic memories and wrestling with guilt.
• Numbness: The recurring idea of being "so numb" symbolizes a psychological defense mechanism. After experiencing extreme emotional pain ("I be feeling pain just to hold on"), the mind shuts down, leading to a dissociative state. It's a symbol of being overwhelmed by suffering to the point of emotional exhaustion.

The song features distinct recurring elements that anchor its emotional core.

• Shiloh Dynasty's Vocal Sample: The most prominent motif is the looped vocal sample from Shiloh Dynasty singing, "I know you so well, so well..." at the beginning and end. Its recurrence frames the entire narrative. At the start, it establishes a mood of intimacy and sorrow. When it returns at the end, after the listener has heard the tragic story, it takes on a haunting quality, symbolizing the inescapable nature of the memory and XXXTENTACION's lingering connection to Jocelyn.
• "I've been trapped in my mind, girl, just holding on": This phrase, appearing in the bridge, is the central lyrical motif that defines the artist's internal struggle. It encapsulates the feeling of being imprisoned by grief and depression.
• "I be feeling pain, I be feeling pain just to hold on / And I don't feel the same, I'm so numb": This couplet, repeated in the pre-outro, is the song's emotional thesis. Its repetition emphasizes the cyclical and paradoxical nature of his suffering—the need to feel pain to feel alive, which ultimately leads to a protective but desolate numbness. It's the song's most direct explanation of his coping mechanism.