tolerate it

"tolerate it" is a deeply emotional and narrative-driven song that explores the painful experience of being in a one-sided relationship where love is not reciprocated but merely endured. The song's central meaning revolves around the agony of pouring one's heart and soul into a partner who remains distant, indifferent, and emotionally unavailable. The narrator performs countless acts of service and devotion—waiting, painting portraits, setting a beautiful table—only to have these gestures met with 'ambivalent toleration' instead of appreciation or celebration.

Taylor Swift has explicitly stated that the song was inspired by Daphne du Maurier's 1938 novel, Rebecca. In the novel, the young, unnamed protagonist marries a wealthy older widower, Maxim de Winter, and finds herself constantly overshadowed by the memory of his first wife, Rebecca. She tries desperately to please him, but he remains emotionally distant and simply tolerates her presence. Swift related to this dynamic, stating, "I was thinking, 'Wow, her husband just tolerates her. She's doing all these things and she's trying so hard... and he's just tolerating her the whole time.' There was a part of me that was relating to that, because at some point in my life, I felt that way." This literary inspiration provides a rich framework for the song's themes of age gaps, power imbalances, and the feeling of being an inadequate replacement for a past love.

The song masterfully captures the transition from quiet desperation to the dawning realization of self-worth and the potential for escape. The bridge marks a pivotal shift where the narrator moves from pleading for recognition ('begging for footnotes') to contemplating rebellion ('what would you do if I / Break free and leave us in ruins'). It is a narrative of quiet suffering culminating in a spark of defiance, representing the moment one realizes their love should be celebrated, not just tolerated.

The narrative unfolds from the perspective of a person meticulously tending to a relationship that is met with cold indifference. She sits and watches her partner, observing every action and inaction, laying the groundwork for a life together on what feels like frozen, unyielding ground. Her love is an act of careful, devoted construction; she uses her best, most vibrant efforts—her 'best colors'—to create a portrait of her partner, only to be met with passive tolerance rather than celebration.

She describes her acts of devotion with poignant detail: waiting by the door with childlike anticipation, setting the table with 'the fancy shit,' creating a beautiful and welcoming space. Yet, these efforts are merely endured by her partner, not cherished. He sits, reads, and exists in his own world, while she stands by, a silent spectator to his apathy. The contrast between her active love and his passive acceptance creates a profound sense of emotional imbalance and loneliness.

The narrator has made her partner her entire world—her 'temple, my mural, my sky'—worshipping and adorning him, only to feel insignificant in his life, begging for even a minor mention, a 'footnote,' in his story. She acknowledges the age and perceived wisdom gap between them, which may once have been a source of admiration but now serves as another wall, separating her from a man who is 'older and wiser.' Her love, which she knows should be celebrated, is instead just tolerated.

A shift occurs as this quiet suffering begins to curdle into a desperate, simmering rage. The narrator fantasizes about breaking free from the suffocating stillness of the relationship. She imagines not just leaving, but doing so dramatically—shattering the placid facade and leaving everything 'in ruins.' This thought is both a threat and a promise of liberation. She contemplates what her partner would do if she finally stopped trying, if she laid down her weapons and let the 'battle be over.' The imagery suggests a long, draining fight for affection. The final moments of the song are a powerful reclamation of self; she envisions gaining the emotional 'weight' of him, and then decisively losing it, asserting with newfound conviction, 'Believe me, I could do it.' It's a declaration of potential strength rising from the depths of neglect.

"tolerate it" was written by Taylor Swift and Aaron Dessner for Swift's ninth studio album, evermore, released on December 11, 2020. The song was created as part of the continued collaboration between Swift and Dessner that began with the album folklore earlier the same year. The creative process involved Dessner composing instrumental tracks at his Long Pond Studio in Hudson Valley and sending them to Swift, who would then write the lyrics.

Dessner recalled creating the instrumental for "tolerate it" and feeling hesitant to send it to Swift. He thought the track was 'intense' and musically unusual due to its 'odd' time signature of 10/8. Fearing she wouldn't connect with it, he almost didn't send it. However, Swift responded enthusiastically, quickly writing the lyrics and sending the completed song back to him. Dessner was profoundly moved by her work, stating in an interview that he cried when he first heard it, describing it as a 'crushingly beautiful song.' The track was recorded and mixed by Jonathan Low at Long Pond Studio.

Swift's primary inspiration for the lyrics was Daphne du Maurier's 1938 novel Rebecca, which she had been reading. She was struck by the dynamic between the young protagonist and her older, emotionally distant husband, who merely tolerates her efforts to please him. This narrative of unreciprocated love in the face of immense effort became the core of the song.

The rhyme and rhythm of "tolerate it" are meticulously crafted to enhance its storytelling and emotional weight.

Rhythm and Meter: Musically, the song is notable for its unusual and complex time signature, which co-writer Aaron Dessner has stated is 10/8. This unconventional meter gives the piano accompaniment a lurching, slightly off-balance feel. It avoids a standard, predictable pulse, which musically reflects the narrator's inner turmoil and the unstable, uncomfortable foundation of the relationship she is in. The tempo is slow, contributing to the ballad's melancholic and contemplative mood. The rhythmic disjointedness between the steady, almost plodding piano and the more fluid vocal melody creates a tension that mirrors the lyrical conflict between devoted action and emotional stagnation.

Rhyme Scheme: The song does not adhere to a rigid, simple rhyme scheme, instead opting for a more fluid and literary structure that serves the narrative. The verses often use couplets (AABB) or alternating rhymes, but they are subtle and often employ slant rhymes. For example, in the first verse, 'hands' rhymes with 'hands', and 'portrait' has a soft rhyme with 'tolerate it'. The pre-chorus uses a clear AABB pattern ('shit'/'it', 'reads'/'gleam'). This flexibility allows the lyrics to feel more like natural prose or a personal monologue, rather than a forced poetic structure. The bridge ('ruins'/'do it'/'lose it'/'do it') uses repetition and near rhymes to build intensity and drive home the narrator's newfound resolve. The rhymes serve to subtly structure the emotional outpouring without distracting from the raw power of the words.

"tolerate it" employs a range of stylistic techniques, both musically and lyrically, to create its poignant and devastating emotional landscape.

• Musical Arrangement: The song is a slow-building piano ballad. The instrumentation is minimal, centered around what critics describe as a 'solemn, chilly' and 'frosty' piano, which underscores the coldness and isolation in the lyrics. The production, helmed by Aaron Dessner, is spare, allowing Swift's vocals and the narrative to remain the central focus.
• Unusual Time Signature: A key musical feature is its odd time signature, which Dessner identified as 10/8. This complex rhythm creates a subtle, underlying sense of disjointedness and unease, mirroring the narrator's off-kilter emotional state and the imbalanced nature of the relationship. The soaring vocal melody contrasts with this unsteady rhythm, reflecting the narrator's attempt to maintain a beautiful facade over a broken foundation.
• Vocal Delivery: Swift's vocal performance is crucial to the song's impact. She uses a soft, almost breathy tone in the verses, conveying vulnerability and quiet desperation. As the song builds to the bridge, her voice rises in pitch and strength, shifting from sorrow to a tone of burgeoning resolve and anger ('Break free and leave us in ruins... Believe me, I could do it'), effectively mapping the narrator's emotional journey.
• Narrative Perspective: The song is a masterclass in first-person narrative storytelling. By placing the listener directly in the narrator's mind, Swift creates an intimate and deeply empathetic experience of her pain and growing frustration.
• Imagery and Specificity: The lyrics are filled with vivid, concrete images that ground the abstract feeling of neglect in tangible actions: 'lay the table with the fancy shit,' 'wait by the door like I'm just a kid,' 'polish plates until they gleam and glisten.' This specificity makes the emotional stakes feel incredibly real and relatable.

"tolerate it" was released as part of the critically acclaimed album evermore on December 11, 2020. Upon its release, the song was immediately singled out by critics and fans as a standout track, praised for its lyrical depth, emotional vulnerability, and masterful storytelling. Maura Johnston of Entertainment Weekly called it a 'masterful portrayal' of a crumbling marriage, and many reviewers cited it as containing some of Swift's best writing.

As the fifth track on the album, "tolerate it" holds a special significance within Swift's discography. 'Track 5' is traditionally reserved for the most personal, vulnerable, and often heartbreaking song on each of her albums, a pattern acknowledged by both fans and Swift herself. "tolerate it" continues this tradition, solidifying its status as one of the emotional centerpieces of evermore.

Commercially, the song debuted and peaked at number 45 on the US Billboard Hot 100 and reached number 28 on the Billboard Global 200. The song's connection to Daphne du Maurier's novel Rebecca also sparked cultural conversations, linking Swift's modern songwriting to classic literature and encouraging many fans to read the book. Furthermore, its powerful depiction of a crumbling relationship was highlighted during Swift's The Eras Tour, where she performed the song at a long dinner table, dramatically crawling across it to portray the domestic drama and emotional distance described in the lyrics.

"tolerate it" is rich with symbolism and metaphors that illustrate the narrator's emotional state and the dynamics of her relationship.

• Setting the Table: The repeated image of the narrator laying the table with 'the fancy shit' symbolizes her elaborate and heartfelt efforts to create beauty, intimacy, and a special connection. It's an act of service meant to be appreciated, but her partner's indifference renders it a lonely, unacknowledged ritual. It represents the domestic labor of love going completely unseen.
• Portrait Painting: The line 'Use my best colors for your portrait' is a powerful metaphor for giving the best parts of herself to her partner. She is trying to capture and honor him, pouring her talent and perception into his image, yet this artistic and emotional offering is not valued. It may also be a direct reference to a scene in Rebecca where the protagonist dresses as a woman in a portrait to please her husband, only for it to backfire disastrously.
• Temple, Mural, Sky: Describing her partner as her 'temple, my mural, my sky' signifies that she has made him the center of her universe, an object of worship and her entire world. This deification highlights the immense imbalance in the relationship; she has elevated him to a godlike status while she is reduced to begging for 'footnotes in the story of your life.'
• Frozen Ground: The opening line, 'I sit and watch you reading with your head in your hands / I lay the groundwork and I notice that it's breaking my hands', uses the metaphor of laying groundwork on frozen or hard earth. It symbolizes the painful, strenuous, and ultimately futile effort of building a foundation for a relationship with someone who is emotionally cold and unresponsive.
• Gaining and Losing Weight: The line in the bridge, 'Gain the weight of you then lose it,' is a metaphor for the emotional burden of the relationship. She imagines taking on the full emotional weight of her partner and their shared history, and then finding the strength to shed it, symbolizing a complete and cleansing liberation from his oppressive indifference.

The central recurring motif in "tolerate it" is the titular phrase itself, which acts as the song's devastating core. The line 'And watch you tolerate it' appears at the end of the first two choruses, serving as the painful punchline to the narrator's detailed descriptions of her efforts. It encapsulates the essence of the relationship: her active love is met not with hate or anger, but with something arguably more painful—passive, indifferent acceptance. The repetition drills in the central theme of being undervalued and taken for granted.

Another recurring motif is the imagery of domestic service and performance. The narrator is constantly doing things for her partner: 'lay the table,' 'polish plates,' and 'use my best colors for your portrait.' These are not just chores but acts of love, a performance of devotion that goes unappreciated. This motif of performance for an unseeing audience highlights her isolation and the one-sided nature of the relationship.

The contrast between her actions ('I do...') and his inaction or simple existence ('You sit and read...') is a recurring structural element. This juxtaposition emphasizes the vast emotional gulf between them. While she is actively building and serving, he is passive and self-contained, 'building worlds' in his head while ignoring the one she is trying to build for them. This creates a powerful recurring narrative of effort versus apathy.