Awkward

"Awkward" by SZA delves into the intricate and emotionally charged aftermath of a casual sexual encounter between friends. The song's core meaning revolves around the transition from a platonic relationship to a romantic or sexual one and the resulting confusion, vulnerability, and tension. The title itself points to the uncomfortable shift in their dynamic after crossing a physical boundary. SZA narrates a story of giving in to curiosity with a friend, which leads to a situation filled with conflicting emotions. She simultaneously regrets the ensuing silence and distance ('now we don't speak at all') while also affirming that the experience was 'worth it' and something she would repeat.

The song explores the paradox of seeking intimacy without clear labels or commitment. The recurring questions in the post-chorus—'Can we still love on each other? Can we still touch on each other? Can we still not judge each other?'—reveal a longing for continued emotional and physical closeness without the pressure of definition or the fear of judgment. It’s a plea to maintain the positive aspects of their connection despite the new, uncomfortable reality. The lyrics suggest that this physical act has revealed a depth to their relationship that is 'more than a friendship.' Rather than retreating from the awkwardness, SZA proposes they 'keep it awkward,' suggesting an acceptance of the messy, undefined space they now occupy as a potential foundation for something deeper. The song captures a modern dating dilemma, highlighting the desire for genuine connection amidst the complexities of casual intimacy.

The narrative begins with a reflection on a recent physical encounter. The protagonist recalls meeting up with someone, driven by a mutual curiosity to see what the 'hype was about.' The interaction quickly becomes intimate, but just as quickly, it ends. She leaves abruptly, without a goodbye, suggesting a desire to keep things casual and emotionally detached. However, a conflict arises internally. Despite the casual nature of her departure, she admits the experience was 'worth it' and that she would do it again. This is juxtaposed with the acknowledgment that the person hurt her, hinting that the encounter was more emotionally significant than she initially let on.

The central theme of 'awkwardness' emerges as the consequence of crossing a boundary from friendship to something more. The relationship dynamics have shifted, and what was once easy is now fraught with unspoken tension. The protagonist takes ownership of this shift, stating, 'Now I made it awkward,' yet also questions her partner's role by asking, 'Why did you let me do it?' This suggests a shared responsibility for the complicated situation they now find themselves in.

A recurring plea punctuates the song: 'Can we still love on each other? Can we still touch on each other? Can we still not judge each other?' This series of questions reveals a deep yearning for a connection that transcends the new awkwardness. She hopes to salvage the intimacy and affection they shared, free from judgment or the pressure to define their relationship. It's a desire for a safe space where vulnerability is accepted.

In the second verse, she confesses an inability to love everyone, but clarifies that this person is significant—'you isn't anybody.' The physical intimacy was a result of the unique way they looked at her, which made her feel seen and willing to be vulnerable, sharing both her body and mind. But this vulnerability led to silence and distance ('now we don't speak at all'), filling her with regret. Yet, the refrain immediately follows: 'Still, it was worth it.' This constant oscillation between regret and affirmation highlights the complexity of her feelings. She acknowledges the pain but can't deny the value of the connection.

As the song progresses, there's a shift from uncertainty to a cautious declaration of readiness. She moves from asking if her partner was ready for her ('He wasn't ready for it') to confidently stating, 'I think we're ready for it.' She proposes that they should 'keep it awkward,' embracing the uncomfortable space they're in and building something new from it, because what they have is 'deeper than friendship.' The song concludes by reiterating the plea for love, touch, and non-judgment, solidifying the central desire to maintain a meaningful, albeit complicated, connection.

"Awkward" was officially released on June 9, 2022, as part of the deluxe edition of SZA's critically acclaimed debut studio album, Ctrl. The deluxe version was released to commemorate the fifth anniversary of the original album, which first came out in 2017. The song was one of seven previously unreleased tracks included in this expanded edition. While the song was new to the public in 2022, it is believed to have been written and recorded during the original Ctrl sessions between 2014 and 2017. The credited writers on the track are Solana Rowe (SZA), Michael Chinosomso Uzowuru, Cody Jordan Fayne, Rutherford Henry Allison III, and Kelsey Miguel Gonzalez. The inclusion of these tracks on the deluxe album offered fans a deeper look into the creative period that produced Ctrl, an album celebrated for its raw honesty and vulnerability in exploring themes of love, self-esteem, and navigating relationships in one's twenties.

The rhythmic structure of "Awkward" is fluid and conversational, characteristic of SZA's style, which often blurs the line between singing and speaking. The tempo is laid-back, contributing to the song's introspective and mellow mood. The vocal melody doesn't adhere to a rigid metrical pattern, instead following the natural cadence of speech, which enhances the lyrical sincerity.

The rhyme scheme is irregular and often relies on slant rhymes (e.g., 'about'/'out') and internal rhymes, rather than perfect, end-of-line rhymes. This creates a more organic, stream-of-consciousness feel, as if the listener is hearing her thoughts unfold in real-time. For instance, in the first verse, the loose rhyme of 'about' and 'out' feels less like a structured poetic device and more like a natural conclusion to the thought. The chorus establishes a more consistent, though still relaxed, pattern, with the repetition of 'awkward' and 'worth it' acting as rhythmic anchors. This interplay between a free-verse lyrical style and the song's steady R&B groove creates a compelling tension that mirrors the emotional conflict described in the lyrics.

SZA's vocal delivery in "Awkward" is a key stylistic technique. She employs a conversational and intimate tone, characteristic of her work on Ctrl, which makes the listener feel like a confidant. Her delivery flows between melodic singing and a more rhythmic, almost spoken-word cadence, emphasizing the raw, diary-like honesty of the lyrics. This creates a sense of authenticity and immediacy.

Musically, the song is built on a foundation typical of contemporary R&B and Neo-Soul, featuring a mellow, atmospheric production. The arrangement is relatively sparse, allowing her vocals and the emotional narrative to remain the central focus. The use of layered harmonies and background ad-libs adds texture and depth, echoing the complexity of her internal thoughts.

Lyrically, SZA utilizes direct and candid language ('we fucked a little bit and I was out'), which is a hallmark of her songwriting style. This bluntness contrasts with the vulnerability of lines like 'Can we still love on each other?'. The song also uses rhetorical questions ('Why did you let me do it?') to express confusion and to place some responsibility on the other person, highlighting the shared nature of their predicament. Repetition is used effectively in the chorus and post-chorus to drill home the central conflict and desire of the song.

"Awkward" was released as part of the deluxe edition of Ctrl, an album that has had a significant cultural impact since its 2017 release. Ctrl is widely regarded as a landmark album for contemporary R&B, praised for its raw, unfiltered depiction of modern womanhood, relationships, and insecurity. The album resonated deeply with a generation of listeners, particularly Black women, who saw their own experiences and vulnerabilities reflected in SZA's candid songwriting.

While "Awkward" itself did not chart as a major single, its release was met with enthusiasm from fans as it expanded the universe of Ctrl. The song, along with the other deluxe tracks, gave listeners further insight into the themes that made the original album so beloved. It reinforces SZA's reputation as an artist who is unafraid to explore the messy, uncomfortable, and 'awkward' aspects of love and connection. Although not as commercially prominent as singles like "Love Galore" or "The Weekend," the song is a cherished part of her discography for dedicated fans and contributes to the overall legacy of Ctrl as a culturally significant and deeply relatable body of work.

The central metaphor in "Awkward" is the concept of 'awkwardness' itself. It's not just a feeling of social discomfort but symbolizes a transitional state in a relationship. It represents the messy, undefined territory between friendship and romance. By suggesting they 'keep it awkward,' SZA transforms this typically negative state into something to be embraced—a space of potential and authentic emotion where a deeper connection might grow.

The act of leaving 'without saying bye' symbolizes an attempt at emotional detachment and control. It's a classic move in casual encounters to avoid vulnerability. However, the internal conflict expressed immediately after ('It was worth it... I would do it again') shows this attempt fails, revealing that true feelings can't be so easily dismissed.

The phrase 'you look at me different' is symbolic of being seen in a unique and profound way, which acts as the catalyst for physical intimacy. It represents a level of perception that goes beyond the superficial, making her feel safe enough to share her 'body and mind.' This vulnerability, however, leads to the 'awkward' silence, symbolizing the risks inherent in deep emotional exposure.

The most significant recurring phrase is the word 'awkward' itself. It appears in the chorus and serves as the song's central motif, defining the new state of the relationship. Initially, it's a consequence ('Now I made it awkward'), but it evolves into a proposition ('Now let's keep it awkward'), suggesting an acceptance and even a desire to explore this complex new dynamic.

The confessional line, 'It was worth it. I would do it again,' is a powerful recurring motif that encapsulates the song's core conflict. It reappears after she expresses feelings of hurt or regret, highlighting her ambivalence and the paradoxical nature of the painful yet valuable experience.

The trio of questions in the post-chorus and outro—'Can we still love on each other? Can we still touch on each other? Can we still not judge each other?'—functions as a recurring plea. This motif underscores her primary desire: to maintain intimacy and vulnerability without the negative consequences of judgment or misunderstanding that have arisen from their changed relationship.