How Do You Sleep?

"How Do You Sleep?" is an emotive and confrontational song that delves into the aftermath of infidelity and betrayal in a relationship. At its core, the song is a direct address to a former lover, questioning their ability to live with the guilt and dishonesty of their actions. The central lyric, "Baby, how do you sleep when you lie to me?", serves as a rhetorical question that encapsulates the singer's pain, disbelief, and resentment. It explores the emotional turmoil of discovering a partner's deceit, touching upon themes of self-doubt ("How did I manage to lose me?"), desperation (checking the partner's phone), and the struggle between the desire to leave and the pull to stay. The song is a journey from heartbreak and self-blame towards a place of empowerment and reclamation, even as the hurt lingers. Sam Smith explained that while the song is rooted in their personal relationship experiences, they also adopted more of a character for this track, allowing for a bolder, more dramatic expression of these feelings.

The narrator begins in a state of self-realization, declaring an end to self-blame and the sorrow that has kept them awake. They know they need to move on and begin the healing process, but there's a magnetic pull from their partner that makes staying a tempting option. This internal conflict leads to a moment of desperate clarity as they find themselves going through their partner's phone, an act that makes them question who they've become. They realize that for their lover, this relationship is merely a game.

The central question of the song is a direct and poignant confrontation: “How do you sleep when you lie to me?” This isn't just a question about physical sleep; it's a deep, moral inquiry into their partner's conscience. The narrator wonders how their lover can rest peacefully while carrying the weight of their deceit, the shame, and the danger inherent in their lies. There's a touch of vengeful hope as the narrator wishes that the memory of their love will be the very thing that haunts their partner's nights, keeping them awake. This sentiment is repeated, emphasizing the dual weight of fear and pressure that should be tormenting the dishonest lover.

As the song progresses, the narrator grapples with a loss of self. They lament, “How did I manage to lose me? I am not this desperate, not this crazy.” This reveals the extent of the emotional damage; the relationship has pushed them to a point of unrecognizability, acting in ways that are out of character. Despite the pain and the desperate actions like dialing their ex-lover's number, they find a moment of strength. They resolve not to stick around to find out how things will unfold, determined not to lose themselves completely in the heartache. The act of dialing the number is a moment of weakness, a plea born from the fear of a breaking heart, yet it is juxtaposed with the growing resolve to reclaim their identity. The song closes by circling back to the core, haunting question, a final, echoing indictment of their partner's ability to live with their actions, leaving the narrator to hope that their shared past will forever be a source of sleeplessness for the one who betrayed them.

"How Do You Sleep?" was released on July 19, 2019. The song was a collaborative effort written by Sam Smith alongside a powerhouse team of songwriters: Max Martin, Savan Kotecha, and Ilya Salmanzadeh. Ilya also handled the production of the track. This team of Martin, Kotecha, and Ilya was well-known for creating numerous hits for artists like Ariana Grande. The song was recorded at MXM Studios in Los Angeles, California. In an interview, Sam Smith described the song as being about their first-ever proper relationship and feeling more experienced in expressing those emotions. They also spoke about the creative process for the song and its accompanying video as a moment of liberation and freedom, where they felt safe enough to express a more vivacious and feminine side of themselves that they had previously kept private. The choreography-heavy music video was a significant step for Smith, who admitted to feeling petrified before rehearsals but ultimately found the experience freeing.

The song predominantly uses a free verse structure, focusing more on emotional delivery and narrative flow than a strict, consistent rhyme scheme. However, it employs rhyming couplets and internal rhymes to create musicality and emphasis. For example, in the first verse, "feeling" and "healing" create a slant rhyme, while "awake" and "stay" in the following lines do not rhyme, breaking a predictable pattern. The pre-chorus uses a near-rhyme with "game" and "break." The chorus finds its anchor in the repetition of the key phrase "lie to me," which rhymes with the implied "tonight" at the end of the subsequent couplet's thought, creating a sense of lyrical resolution. The rhythm is driven by a mid-tempo, danceable beat. The song's structure alternates between the sparser verses and the fuller, rhythmically intense choruses with their electronic drop, creating a dynamic ebb and flow. The interplay between the syncopated vocal melody and the steady electronic beat is a key feature, giving the song its contemporary pop-R&B feel and making it suitable for both emotional listening and dancing.

Musically, "How Do You Sleep?" marks a stylistic shift for Sam Smith, moving from their signature soulful ballads to a more upbeat, dance-pop and R&B-infused sound. The production by Ilya employs a sophisticated arrangement with a prominent bassline, electronic elements, and trap-infused beats, creating a track that is both danceable and emotionally resonant. A notable production choice is the use of a synth bass in the verse that lacks a strong fundamental frequency, which creates a sense of anticipation; when the full, deep bass kicks in during the chorus drop, the impact is magnified. Smith's vocal performance is dynamic, utilizing their signature emotive tone but with added stylistic flair. There's a notable use of breathy onsets in the verses, creating a sense of vulnerability, while the chorus is delivered with more power. Critics have pointed out the extensive and artful use of pitch processing, including artificial vibrato and ornamentation, which adds a highly polished, almost hyper-real quality to the vocal melody, a common technique in modern pop. Lyrically, the song uses direct address and rhetorical questions to create a confrontational and intimate narrative. A songwriting technique identified as "flow phrases"—short, connecting lyrical lines like "Baby" before the chorus—is used effectively to bridge sections and maintain the song's momentum, making transitions feel more exciting and seamless.

"How Do You Sleep?" was a commercial success, reaching the top ten in numerous countries, including the UK and Australia, and became Sam Smith's 11th UK Top 10 single. The song was the most added track to Australian radio upon its release. It appeared on Smith's third studio album, Love Goes (2020). The music video, directed by Grant Singer with choreography by Parris Goebel, was particularly influential. It was lauded for showcasing a new side of Smith—confident, unapologetically queer, and embracing dance as a form of expression. This visual marked a significant moment in Smith's artistic evolution, moving away from their more somber persona and embracing a liberating, feminine energy. The song itself was seen as a continuation of Smith's foray into more dance-oriented pop music, following successful collaborations like "Promises" with Calvin Harris. Hitting over one billion streams on Spotify by late 2024, the song is considered a defining moment in Smith's career, demonstrating their ability to merge emotional lyrical depth with mainstream pop appeal.

The song's central and most powerful metaphor is the question of "sleep." Sleep symbolizes peace, a clear conscience, and emotional rest. By asking "How do you sleep?", Smith is metaphorically asking how their ex-lover can find any internal peace or rest while living with the knowledge of their betrayal. It implies that their lies should be a heavy burden that haunts them, preventing any sense of tranquility. The narrator hopes their love will "keep you up tonight," turning the once-cherished emotion into a source of insomnia and guilt. The lyrics also touch on a loss of identity with the lines, "Oh no, how did I manage to lose me? I am not this desperate, not this crazy," symbolizing how a toxic relationship can make someone unrecognizable to themselves. In the music video, the imagery of Smith dancing on top of a cage holding a man inside can be interpreted as a symbol of overcoming the emotional prison of the relationship and gaining power over the person who caused the pain.

The most significant recurring phrase is the song's title and central question, "How do you sleep when you lie to me?". This line appears as the anchor of each chorus, functioning as the song's primary lyrical and emotional hook. Its repetition drives home the central theme of betrayal and the narrator's incredulity at their partner's lack of conscience. The phrase "I'm hoping that my love will keep you up tonight" is another key recurring motif, directly following the central question. It's a poignant and slightly vengeful wish, turning the concept of love into a tool for haunting the betrayer. The short, one-word phrase "Baby" is used as a recurring transitional motif, or "flow phrase," appearing right before each chorus to build anticipation and seamlessly connect the sections. The action of "dialing up the numbers on you" also repeats, highlighting the narrator's moments of weakness and struggle to let go.