By Myself

By Myself is a harrowing exploration of the cycle of self-doubt, social anxiety, and the resulting isolation. The song dissects the paralyzing fear that comes from being unable to trust others, which inevitably leads to the terrifying realization that one cannot even trust oneself.

The verses, delivered by Mike Shinoda, represent the logical but frantic mind trying to calculate a safe path through a hostile world. The narrator is caught in a classic Catch-22: trusting others leads to betrayal ('fooled by phoniness'), but trusting no one leads to crushing loneliness. This dilemma creates a state of hyper-vigilance where every choice feels like a trap. The recurring theme of 'hiding pride' suggests a struggle between ego and survival, where the protagonist feels they must suppress their true self to survive, only to lose their identity in the process.

Chester Bennington's explosive chorus acts as the emotional collapse. The scream of 'Myself!' is both a declaration of his solitude and an accusation directed inward. The line 'I find I can't rely on myself' is the song's tragic core; it admits that the 'safety' of isolation is a lie because the protagonist's own mind is a source of danger and failure. The bridge further illustrates this psychological disintegration, describing the sensation of being 'stretched so thin'—a metaphor for a psyche pushed beyond its elastic limit until it snaps.

The narrative of the song plunges immediately into a chaotic internal monologue, where the protagonist is besieged by paranoia and self-doubt. It begins with a desperate questioning of how to handle external pressures and judgments, oscillating between the urge to ignore the perceived threats behind him and the fear that following his instincts will only lead to ruin. He wrestles with the dilemma of vulnerability: hiding his pride to avoid conflict might mean surrendering to maddening, depressive thoughts.

As the internal debate intensifies, the narrator feels trapped in a no-win situation. He realizes that turning his back leaves him defenseless, yet moving forward without direction is senseless. This paralysis is compounded by a deep-seated distrust of others; he fears that if he remains passive, the world will strip him of everything he has. Conversely, trying to seize control or catch up feels equally futile, as he predicts he will simply be outrun by his circumstances.

The emotional climax erupts in the realization that his ultimate enemy is not the outside world, but his own mind. He finds himself isolated, asking 'why' but finding no solace in his own thoughts. The crushing weight of this realization leads to a breakdown where he admits he cannot rely on himself. He feels physically and mentally stretched to the breaking point, watching his reality spin out of control while thoughts of failure consume him, solidifying his state of absolute, terrified isolation.

By Myself was released on October 24, 2000, as the seventh track on Linkin Park's debut album, Hybrid Theory. The song's origins trace back to an instrumental demo titled 'Sad' (later released on LP Underground 9.0) and an early iteration known as 'SuperXero'. It was written by the band members, including Mike Shinoda, Brad Delson, and Chester Bennington, and produced by Don Gilmore.

The recording process for the song is legendary among fans for its DIY intensity. Mike Shinoda recalled in interviews that the demo vocals were recorded in his apartment in Glendale, California. The walls were paper-thin, and as Chester Bennington screamed the ferocious choruses, their neighbor would furiously bang on the wall, thinking a murder was taking place. Shinoda would shout back, 'No, LOUDER!' pushing Bennington to capture the raw, unhinged aggression that made the final cut.

Musically, Shinoda intended the track to pay homage to industrial bands like Nine Inch Nails and Ministry. The goal was to create a sharp dynamic contrast: the 'softest verses' set against the 'nastiest, loudest sounds' the band could produce. This vision guided the final production, which features heavily distorted guitars, scratching effects by Joe Hahn, and a gritty, mechanical atmosphere that sets it apart from the more melodic tracks on the album.

The verses follow a tight, syncopated rap flow in a 4/4 time signature at approximately 103 BPM. Mike Shinoda employs AABB and occasionally ABAB rhyme schemes with a focus on multi-syllabic rhymes (e.g., 'defenseless' / 'senseless', 'phoniness' / 'loneliness'). The rhythm of the vocals in the verses is staccato and precise, mirroring the anxious, racing thoughts of the narrator.

In contrast, the chorus shifts to a half-time feel in the instrumentation, creating a heavy, dragging groove that emphasizes the weight of the emotion. Chester's vocals elongate the vowels ('My-seeeeelf'), breaking the rapid-fire rhythm of the verse and creating a sense of agonizing suspension. The bridge introduces a polyrhythmic feel with the guitar riff, adding to the sensation of 'spinning' described in the lyrics.

Musical Dynamics (Quiet/Loud): The song employs a strict 'quiet verse, loud chorus' dynamic common in nu-metal but pushes it to extremes. The verses feature a brooding, low-fidelity drum loop and whispered vocals, creating a claustrophobic atmosphere. This tension is violently released in the chorus with a wall of distorted guitars and screaming.

Vocal Duality: The interplay between Mike Shinoda and Chester Bennington is utilized to represent a split psyche. Shinoda's rap delivery is rhythmic, analytical, and anxious—the sound of a mind overthinking. Bennington's delivery is guttural and melodic, representing pure, uncontrolled emotion. This 'Jekyll and Hyde' approach enhances the theme of internal conflict.

Industrial Textures: The track makes heavy use of electronics, specifically the 'reverse' suction sounds and mechanical grinding noises provided by Joe Hahn's scratching and sampling. These sounds mimic the feeling of a machine—or a mind—malfunctioning.

While not released as a commercial single, 'By Myself' is a cult favorite among Linkin Park fans and a staple of the Hybrid Theory era live shows. It is frequently cited as one of the album's heaviest and most industrial-influenced tracks, helping to cement the band's credibility within the metal community beyond their radio hits.

The song was remixed for the 2002 album Reanimation. The track 'By_Myslf', remixed by Josh Abraham and Mike Shinoda, reinterpreted the song with even heavier industrial elements. Additionally, a remix titled 'Buy Myself' produced by Marilyn Manson was released as a B-side and on the Japanese edition of Reanimation, highlighting the band's crossover appeal with industrial and shock-rock icons.

The lyrics utilize spatial and physical metaphors to describe psychological states. The concept of being 'behind me' vs. 'blindly' moving forward creates a spatial trap, symbolizing the inability to navigate time (past regrets vs. future fears). The narrator feels physically surrounded yet entirely alone.

• 'Stretched so thin': This implies a physical object under tension, representing the narrator's mental capacity being pulled in opposing directions until it loses integrity.
• 'Watching everything spin': Suggests vertigo and a loss of grounding, symbolizing a loss of control over one's life and reality.
• 'Turn my back' / 'Defenseless': Uses combat imagery to equate social interaction with warfare. Vulnerability is seen not as openness, but as a lack of armor in a battle zone.
• 'Phoniness' vs. 'Loneliness': These abstract concepts are treated as the only two physical destinations available, creating a binary prison for the narrator.

'By Myself' / 'Myself': The repetition of this phrase serves as the central anchor of the song. Initially, it might suggest independence, but as the song progresses, it morphs into a declaration of unwanted isolation. The screaming of the word transforms it into a curse.

'I ask why': This phrase highlights the futility of the narrator's struggle. The repetition reinforces the lack of answers and the cyclical nature of his suffering.

'Do I...?': The verses are structured around rhetorical questions. This recurring interrogative structure emphasizes the narrator's indecision and lack of agency.