Always Been You

Always Been You is a deeply vulnerable and raw exploration of unrequited love, obsession, and the emotional wreckage of loving someone who may not feel the same. The song details the agonizing internal battle of trying to move on or feign indifference while being completely consumed by one's feelings.

Explicitly, the lyrics outline the narrator's insomnia, her feeling of going through 'hell' because her heart is on the line, and the realization that despite trying to rewrite her feelings hundreds of times, she cannot force herself to love anyone else. The core message is that true emotional attachment is not something that can be easily manipulated or reasoned with; when you love someone, attempts to replace them are ultimately a lie.

Implicitly, the song addresses the loss of control that comes with profound infatuation. The references to keeping things 'dark' and 'quiet' highlight a fear of vulnerability and rejection, while the explosive chorus represents a desperate, almost liberating surrender to the truth. It captures the psychological torment of being unable to rewrite one's emotional reality, painting a vivid picture of how love can simultaneously be a source of warmth and a source of profound suffering.

The narrator wrestles with the painful realization that her intense affection might be completely one-sided, resembling a silent and unrequited love. She tries desperately to keep her feelings tucked away in the shadows of her mind, maintaining a quiet exterior to protect her fragile heart. However, this self-imposed silence is instantly shattered the moment the object of her desire approaches; their presence immediately illuminates her dark world, breathing life into her hidden feelings and rendering her defensive walls completely useless.

Ordinarily, she is not the type of person to lose sleep or spend late hours of the night fixated on another individual. Yet, her heart is on the line, and she feels completely exposed, acknowledging that she is living through a personal hell of emotional torment. Her thoughts are occupied by an intense and painful obsession that she cannot escape, disrupting her sleep and her peace of mind.

In her head, there has never been any competition or doubt; it has always been this specific person. She metaphorically holds her vulnerable heart out in her open hands, recognizing that she is utterly hopeless because she has surrendered all her emotional power to them. No one else has the ability to capture her devotion or distract her. She confesses to attempting to rewrite her feelings and fake new romantic narratives hundreds of times in her head, but she knows that choosing anyone else would be an absolute lie. Ultimately, every path of her thoughts leads back to the exact same conclusion: her heart belongs entirely to them.

The emotional pressure causes her to slip and lose her footing, making her feel as though she is drowning deep underwater, submerged beneath the crushing weight of the sea like a captive of Poseidon. She describes her existence as taking up space like a hyphen—a small, connective mark trying to bridge a gap that remains painfully wide. Despite her internal struggle, the thoughts of this person are a constant, heavy presence that she cannot battle or suppress. She is utterly exhausted by the psychological games she plays with herself and tired of pretending that she could ever find happiness with anyone else, because her mind refuses to let go of the truth.

Released on November 24, 2021, Always Been You was the lead single from Jessie Murph's highly anticipated debut mixtape, Drowning (2023). At the time of the song's promotion, Murph was a 17-year-old rising star who had recently signed with Columbia Records. She had originally built a massive, dedicated following on platforms like TikTok and YouTube by sharing raw, emotionally unfiltered covers of popular songs and documenting her life through personal vlogs.

The song was co-written by Jessie Murph alongside notable industry songwriters Jenna Andrews (famous for her work with BTS and Benee), Steven Franks (also known as Mr. Franks), and Stephen Kirk. The moody, atmospheric production was spearheaded by Mr. Franks and Stephen Kirk. The song's release was preceded by several teasers on TikTok, which quickly went viral and generated immense anticipation among her fans, eventually propelling the song to over 100 million streams globally and earning her her first Billboard entry.

The song's structure relies on a dynamic interplay between lyrical flow and musical tempo:

Rhyme Scheme: The verses employ slant rhymes and conversational phrasing, with the second verse transitioning into a rapid, rhythmic AAAA rhyme pattern ('trippin' / slidin' / Poseidon / hyphen / fight it'). This rapid-fire rhyme scheme mimics the feeling of racing thoughts and emotional overload.

Rhythm and Tempo: Written in a slow-to-midtempo range (around 80 BPM), the track features a sparse, dragging rhythm. However, the vocal delivery in the verses is quick and syncopated, heavily influenced by hip-hop cadences. This creates a compelling rhythmic tension, as the fast-paced lyrics struggle against the slow, heavy instrumentation, perfectly mirroring the narrator's internal fight against her own thoughts.

The song effectively blends unique literary devices and musical arrangements to elevate its emotional impact:

Literary Techniques: Murph makes use of contrast by juxtaposing darkness and light ('keep it dark... but then you come around and light me up'). The second verse features tight assonance and internal rhyming (trippin', slidin', Poseidon, hyphen, fight it), which quickens the pace of the delivery, emphasizing a sense of anxious spiraling.

Musical Techniques: Professionally produced with a trap-soul influence, the song features minimalist, melancholic piano chords paired with atmospheric synth pads that leave ample room for Murph's raw vocal performance. Her vocal delivery is highly dynamic, transitioning seamlessly from hushed, intimate, and smoky lows in the verses to soaring, desperate high notes in the chorus, conveying a sense of cathartic release.

Always Been You served as a massive milestone in Jessie Murph's career, cementing her transition from a viral internet personality to a legitimate, chart-topping recording artist. Upon its release, the song resonated deeply with Gen Z listeners on TikTok, where it went viral and was used in hundreds of thousands of user-generated videos, particularly those focusing on heartbreak and emotional confessions.

The track marked Murph's debut on the Billboard Hot 100, peaking at number 95, and reached number 72 on the Canadian Hot 100. It has been certified Platinum by the RIAA in the United States, as well as achieving Platinum status in Canada and Australia, and Gold in New Zealand. The song's commercial and critical success proved the viability of her genre-blending sound, paving the way for her highly successful subsequent releases, debut albums, and collaborations with major artists like Jelly Roll and Diplo.

The lyrics of Always Been You are rich with vivid imagery and metaphors that illustrate the narrator's emotional struggle:

• Underwater like Poseidon: This powerful metaphor represents feeling completely overwhelmed, suffocated, and drowning under the immense weight of her emotions. Comparing her state to being underwater, governed by the god of the sea, suggests that her feelings are a massive, uncontrollable force.
• Takin' up space like a hyphen: A hyphen is a small punctuation mark used to join two elements. This clever line suggests she feels small, awkward, and insignificant, yet desperately wants to serve as the bridge or connective tissue between herself and the person she loves.
• I keep it dark, I keep it quiet: Darkness and silence symbolize her emotional armor and self-protection. She suppresses her feelings to shield herself from the vulnerability and pain of rejection.
• Heart in my hands: This classic idiomatic image highlights her absolute vulnerability, showing that she has completely stripped away her defenses and handed all her power over to another person.

The song utilizes key repetitive elements to reinforce its themes of obsession and vulnerability:

• In my head, it's always been you: This is the central hook and the emotional thesis of the track. Its repetition in the chorus solidifies the idea of an inescapable, obsessive focus, emphasizing that no matter what she tries, her mind always returns to the same person.
• Usually, I ain't the type: This phrase appears in both the pre-chorus and post-chorus, serving as a structural motif that contrasts her normal, self-controlled persona with the chaotic emotional 'hell' she is experiencing now.
• Heart in my hands: Repeated during the choruses, this motif continually reminds the listener of her defenseless state of surrender.