This Is How It Feels (with Laufey)

This Is How It Feels is a devastating exploration of a broken relationship told from two conflicting perspectives. The song delves into the painful reality of unrequited love and the messy aftermath of a breakup. The first half of the song, delivered by d4vd, represents the perspective of the abandoned partner. He is trapped in nostalgia and grief, literally left out in the cold rain while he watches his former lover find warmth with someone new. His narrative focuses on the agonizing realization that the person he is obsessively thinking and dreaming about has moved on.

The second half of the song introduces Laufey's perspective as the partner who walked away. Her verse flips the narrative from a simple tale of victimhood to a complex portrait of human flaw and guilt. She admits to leaving abruptly and falling for someone else so quickly that she lost her own sense of identity. Her admission reveals that causing heartbreak is also a painful and confusing experience, filled with its own haunting regrets. Ultimately, the song means that love is intrinsically linked to suffering, whether you are the one left behind or the one doing the leaving, culminating in a shared, tragic acceptance of how much love hurts.

The narrative opens with a feeling of profound isolation, painting a picture of someone sitting alone on empty bleachers, reflecting on a past relationship and trying to pinpoint exactly when and where things began to fall apart. The protagonist recalls the distant sounds of bells—a symbol of the past, perhaps indicating a time of innocence or a specific memory of school days—which have been silent for years. As the story progresses, the setting shifts to a rainy, melancholic walk past a former lover's house. Despite the narrator being drenched and ignoring numerous missed calls on their phone, their focus remains completely fixated on a lit window. This window represents a place they once felt they belonged to, but the heart-wrenching twist occurs when they notice the silhouettes of two shadows in that very room, confirming their replacement and deepening their sense of alienation and heartache.

This emotional devastation transitions into a poignant realization of the agonizing nature of love. The narrator expresses how consuming it is to constantly think and dream about this person, acknowledging the sheer, overwhelming pain that accompanies falling so deeply in love when it is unreciprocated or lost. Suddenly, the perspective shifts, revealing the voice of the other person in the relationship. This second voice offers a conflicted and remorseful apology for their abrupt departure, admitting that the narrator did not deserve to become collateral damage in their emotional chaos. They confess that maintaining the relationship had become too difficult and painfully reveal the core truth: they have fallen in love with someone else. This new romance happened so unexpectedly and rapidly that they lost their own sense of self in the process. The second narrator also experiences haunting illusions, seeing the fading shadow of their former lover drifting by their window, questioning if it is real or just a manifestation of their own guilt and lingering attachment.

Ultimately, both voices merge in a shared understanding of love's agonizing reality. The narrative wrestles with the authenticity of their past connection, questioning if the love they once shared was even real given how it ended. They reflect on the strange, almost magnetic appeal of how effortless their bond used to be, expressing a helpless resignation to their current emotional states. The song concludes as a unified, haunting lament about the inescapable torment of being deeply, irreversibly in love, leaving both characters trapped in their respective cycles of longing, guilt, and lingering pain.

The song was created for d4vd's debut EP, Petals to Thorns, released on May 26, 2023. The collaboration was born out of a mutual admiration fostered on social media. Laufey, having heard d4vd's viral music on TikTok, recognized his immense talent and decided to reach out to him online, only to discover that he had already messaged her months prior. Their virtual connection led to the studio, where they recorded a track that blended d4vd's bedroom-pop roots with Laufey's sophisticated jazz background. Production credits on the EP included Spencer Stewart and Leroy Clampitt.

Tragically, the history of the song took a dark and highly publicized turn in the years following its release. In late 2025 and 2026, d4vd (David Burke) was arrested on severe criminal charges. In response to the horrifying news, Laufey quietly pulled This Is How It Feels from major streaming platforms to distance herself from the controversy, fundamentally altering the track's accessibility and its place in modern music history.

The song features a relatively free verse structure in the initial verses, leaning on slant rhymes and conversational pacing (e.g., home/phone) to create an intimate, diary-like confession. The pre-chorus and bridge shift into a more structured AABB or monorhyme pattern (feels/real/appeal), which musically anchors the listener into the central emotional thesis of the song. Rhythmically, the track sits at approximately 132 BPM in the key of D Major, but the steady pop beat is intentionally subdued beneath sweeping, rubato-like orchestral strings. This interplay between a contemporary pop rhythm and classical instrumentation gives the track a waltz-like, timeless quality. The pacing slows down slightly during the transitions, allowing the emotional weight of the lyrics to breathe and ensuring the vocal melodies float effortlessly above the instrumental bed.

Musically, This Is How It Feels steps away from d4vd's typical lo-fi, BandLab-produced style by incorporating a lush, cinematic orchestral arrangement. The use of swelling string instruments creates a sweeping, romantic atmosphere that perfectly accommodates Laufey's signature jazz and classical vocal stylings. The song utilizes a duet structure to provide a multifaceted narrative, with d4vd's slightly distressed, emotive delivery contrasting sharply against Laufey's smooth, warm, and sophisticated timbre.

From a literary standpoint, the deliberate use of an ellipsis in the first chorus is a brilliant structural technique. d4vd sings "Yes, it hurts so much to fall in love with-" before being abruptly cut off by Laufey's verse. This interruption mirrors the abrupt, unresolved end of their relationship and the sudden intrusion of her perspective. The rhetorical question "Tell me if our love is real" adds a layer of existential doubt, forcing both characters to question the authenticity of their past.

Upon its release in May 2023, the track was heavily praised for seamlessly bridging the gap between Gen-Z alternative pop and modern vocal jazz. It was a standout moment on the Petals to Thorns EP, showcasing cross-genre collaboration and proving d4vd's versatility beyond his viral TikTok hits. However, the legacy and cultural footprint of the song drastically shifted in early 2026. Following d4vd's highly publicized arrest on severe criminal charges, the music industry reacted swiftly. Laufey quietly pulled This Is How It Feels from all major streaming services to distance herself and her brand from the controversy. Additionally, Olympic figure skater Alysa Liu, who had originally chosen the track for her Milan Cortina short program routine, was forced to change her music. Consequently, the song's place in music history is now heavily overshadowed by the real-world tragedy surrounding its primary artist, relegating it to a controversial "lost" track in Laufey's catalog.

The lyrics are rich with atmospheric symbolism that mirrors the internal emotional states of the characters:

• The Rain and Wet Feet: Symbolizes the cold, uncomfortable, and miserable reality of the abandoned lover. It acts as pathetic fallacy, representing his internal weeping and isolation.
• The Lit Window: Represents warmth, intimacy, and a sense of belonging that the narrator is now locked out of. It stands as a physical barrier between his past happiness and his present sorrow.
• Two Shadows: A powerful visual metaphor for betrayal and replacement. Seeing two silhouettes in the window confirms his worst fears without a word being spoken.
• The Drifting Shadow (Laufey's verse): When the second narrator sees a shadow drifting by her window, it symbolizes her lingering guilt and the ghost of the relationship she left behind. It is a manifestation of her conscience.

The most prominent recurring phrase is the hook, "This is how it feels / To fall in love with you / To always think of you / To always dream of you." This repetition emphasizes the obsessive, inescapable nature of heartbreak. It acts as a looping thought pattern that neither character can break free from. Another key motif is the imagery of shadows. In the first verse, shadows represent the painful reality of a new couple; in the second verse, a shadow represents the haunting memory of an ex-partner. This duality ties the two perspectives together through shared visual imagery.