Tell Slater Not to Wash His Dick

Beneath the crushing instrumentation and the absurd track title lies a deeply vulnerable narrative about the psychological toll of a failing long-distance relationship. The central theme revolves around the unbearable pain of being away on tour and the disconnect it creates between two lovers.

The singer expresses intense feelings of inadequacy and depression, painting a picture of a relationship that is slowly rotting away—described vividly as decay. As the physical distance grows, so does the emotional rift, leading to bitter arguments where words become weapons. The partner attempts to minimize the distance by saying they are only a phone call away, but to the narrator, this digital connection is entirely insufficient. The song ultimately serves as a confession of failure; the protagonist admits he relies on pills to sleep and begs his partner to forget him completely, seeing self-erasure as the only way to end their mutual suffering and toxic cycle.

The narrative plunges deep into the devastating psychological toll of a long-distance relationship strained by constant touring and emotional disconnect. The protagonist laments being away every single day and night, expressing how the separation becomes increasingly unbearable with each new city he visits. The physical distance is mirrored by a harsh emotional reality; he describes his partner's words as being as sharp as a razor blade, inflicting profound and lasting wounds. Overwhelmed by the emotional lacerations, he surrenders to dark, suicidal ideation, asking for his wrists and neck to be kissed to grant him eternal sleep.

While the partner attempts to minimize the rift by claiming to be "only a phone call away," the protagonist rejects this comfort. For him, the vast geographical and emotional space is nothing short of decay, a slow and agonizing rot. He paints a macabre picture of his suffering, offering his blood to flies and drowning his sorrows under a literal sea of lies. There is a twisted romanticism in his despair as he asks to "kiss the bride" before being taken to the shore to wait for the final tide, symbolizing an inevitable, tragic end to his suffering.

In the concluding moments, the conflicting emotions reach their peak. He makes a vulnerable confession of eternal love, yet immediately follows it with the grim reality of his coping mechanism, admitting he relies on pills just to find sleep. Weighed down by a profound sense of inadequacy, he confesses that he has always failed his partner. In a final, desperate act of self-erasure and resignation, he repeatedly pleads for his partner to completely discard all memories of him, severing the bond permanently and leaving him to fade into nothingness.

Tell Slater Not to Wash His Dick was released on October 30, 2006, as the second track on Bring Me The Horizon's highly polarizing debut studio album, Count Your Blessings.

Recorded during a time when the band members were still very young and navigating their newfound exposure, the album was known for its rapid and chaotic production; many songs were reportedly written in just three days prior to entering the studio. The bizarre and provocative title of the song is famously disconnected from the deeply emotional lyrics. During the MySpace era of the mid-2000s, it was a common trend for alternative and metalcore bands to assign absurd, random, or humorous titles to devastatingly dark tracks. Fans and early internet rumors suggest the title was an inside joke derived from a forum thread on the website Sick Animation, or perhaps a crude reference to a pop-culture figure like A.C. Slater from the sitcom Saved by the Bell. Lead singer Oli Sykes has stated that despite the humorous titles, his lyrics from this era stemmed from a genuine place of depression and difficult life situations.

The lyrics utilize a somewhat loose AABB and ABCB rhyme scheme in various stanzas (e.g., blade/deep/sleep, away/decay, flies/lies). However, traditional poetic meter is largely abandoned in favor of rhythmic vocal delivery that matches the intense syncopation of the instrumental track.

The rhythm is dictated by the chaotic chugging of the guitars and explosive drum patterns. The pacing shifts dramatically throughout the song, building tension with fast-paced riffs before dropping into crushing, slow-tempo breakdowns. This rhythmic interplay mirrors the narrator's emotional volatility—racing anxiety followed by the heavy, sluggish weight of depression. The final deceleration during the repetition of Throw them all away perfectly underscores the narrator's ultimate emotional collapse.

Musically, the track embodies the chaotic aggression of mid-2000s deathcore. It features relentless blast beats, heavily distorted down-tuned guitar chugs, and sweeping melodic death metal riffs. Vocalist Oli Sykes employs a contrasting mix of high-pitched, fry-screaming shrieks and low, guttural growls, completely omitting clean vocals to maintain a sense of primal agony.

Literary techniques include a stark juxtaposition between the song's juvenile, humorous title and its incredibly bleak lyrical content. Sykes uses repetition effectively—repeating phrases like I've seen your eyes and So throw away my memories—to simulate a spiraling, obsessive mindset. The personification of distance as an active agent of decay further enhances the claustrophobic and hopeless atmosphere of the narrative.

Tell Slater Not to Wash His Dick is a landmark track from the mid-2000s MySpace deathcore explosion. Upon its release, the album Count Your Blessings was highly polarizing; it was vehemently rejected by extreme metal purists but feverishly embraced by the burgeoning scene subculture.

The song's notorious command to MOVE! before a crushing breakdown became legendary in live performances, igniting massive mosh pits and becoming a defining trope of the genre. Furthermore, the track exemplifies the era's signature juxtaposition of deeply emotional, vulnerable lyrics paired with absurd track titles and unyielding sonic brutality. Though Bring Me The Horizon later shifted towards alternative rock and pop, this track remains a beloved nostalgic anthem for their earliest fans.

The song relies heavily on visceral, bodily metaphors to convey emotional pain:

• Mouth like a razor-blade: This represents verbally abusive or incredibly hurtful communication. The partner's words do not just offend; they lacerate and leave deep psychological scars.
• Distance is decay: The geographical separation of touring is compared to a rotting corpse. It implies that without physical proximity, the relationship is dead and slowly putrefying.
• Blood for flies / Sea of lies: These grotesque, macabre images blend ideas of romance with death and decomposition, highlighting the toxic mixture of love and suffering the protagonist is enduring.
• Wait for the tide: Oceanic imagery is used to represent feeling overwhelmed and drowning in despair, culminating in the finality of death as he waits for the tide to wash his body away.

A prominent recurring motif is the phrase, I've been away for every day and every fucking night. Its repetition anchors the song's central conflict: the inescapable reality of the touring lifestyle and the resulting absence. Another critical recurrence is the juxtaposition of the partner's reassuring voice (You say, you say, 'I'm only a phone call away') against the protagonist's grim reality (But for me, this distance is decay), highlighting their fundamental disconnect.

The song climaxes with the repeated plea, So throw away my memories. The repetition here acts as a desperate mantra, emphasizing the finality of the breakup and the narrator's overwhelming desire to be completely erased from his partner's life.