bellyache

"Bellyache" by Billie Eilish is a narrative song told from the fictional perspective of a psychopath who has committed murder. The song explores the complex and often contradictory emotions that follow such a heinous act. The central theme is the concept of guilt, which manifests physically as a "bellyache." Eilish explained that she and her brother, Finneas, enjoy writing from the viewpoint of characters, creating stories about experiences they've never had. This particular story is about a character who acts on a strong impulse, killing her friends and lover, but instead of feeling the power or satisfaction she expected, she is overcome with a sickening sense of regret.

The lyrics juxtapose a dark, violent narrative with a deceptively upbeat, pop-influenced melody. This contrast highlights the narrator's psychological dissonance. She questions her sanity, repeatedly asking, "Where's my mind?", indicating a disconnection from her actions and their gravity. The song delves into the aftermath of the crime, touching on themes of recklessness, the fear of consequences ("I'm too young to go to jail"), and a feigned carelessness that masks deep-seated turmoil. The reference "My V is for Vendetta" suggests the murders were an act of revenge, one that ultimately proves to be a hollow, "expensive fake." The physical symptom of a bellyache serves as a powerful metaphor for the inescapable and visceral nature of guilt and remorse.

The song opens with a disjointed, introspective mood, repeating the word "Mind" as if lost in thought. The narrator is sitting alone in a driveway, chewing gum, a seemingly mundane image that is quickly shattered. They reveal that their friends are nearby, but not in a conventional sense; their bodies are lying in the back of the car. This chilling confession is followed by the recurring, central question of the song: "Where's my mind?". This refrain suggests a profound sense of dissociation and confusion, a questioning of their own sanity following a horrific act.

The narrative continues with a sense of impending consequence. The narrator anticipates the arrival of others, likely the police, who will be searching their room for stolen money. There's a strange mix of anxiety, indicated by nail-biting, and a detached, almost inappropriate sense of humor about being too young for jail. This duality highlights a complex psychological state, not of a hardened criminal, but of someone unravelling and bewildered by their own actions.

The chorus delves deeper into this mental and emotional turmoil. The narrator speculates that their mind might be in the "gutter," a visceral image of self-deprecation and moral decay, where they also left their lover. The line "What an expensive fake" could refer to the superficiality of their previous life or the hollow victory of their actions. The mention of "V is for Vendetta" adds a layer of pop culture reference, suggesting a planned act of revenge that was expected to bring satisfaction. However, the anticipated feeling of empowerment or relief never materializes. Instead, the consequence is a visceral, physical manifestation of guilt: a "bellyache." This ache is repeated, emphasizing its persistent and gnawing nature.

In the final verse, the narrator reflects on their current state and identity. They describe their actions, like wearing a "noose like a necklace," as a macabre fashion statement, a way to project a fearsome and reckless persona. There's a desire to be seen as dangerous and unpredictable. This bravado is immediately undercut by the admission, "I lost my mind," though it's followed by a defiant "I don't mind." This contradiction encapsulates the central conflict of the song: a struggle between embracing a new, dark identity and being tormented by the guilt that comes with it. The song concludes by circling back to the chorus, reinforcing that the ultimate outcome of these violent acts isn't a feeling of power, but a sickening, internal pain.

"Bellyache" was written by Billie Eilish and her brother, Finneas O'Connell, who also handled the production. The song was released on February 24, 2017, as the second single from Eilish's debut EP, Don't Smile at Me. The writing process involved Eilish and Finneas creating a fictional narrative, a common practice for them to explore themes and characters outside of their own direct experiences. Eilish stated in an interview that the song is about "the concept of guilt" and is told from the perspective of a fictional psychopath.

The inspiration for the song was multifaceted. A significant influence was the song "Garbage" by Tyler, the Creator, which Eilish cited as one of the main inspirations for the track's graphic and literal storytelling approach. She also drew on personal, albeit less extreme, feelings of guilt from her childhood, such as stealing toys from friends, which would cause an overwhelming, sickening feeling of remorse. The song was created in their Los Angeles home, and like much of their early work, it began with them playing chords and improvising melodies. The production, handled by Finneas, features a distinctive blend of acoustic guitar that transitions into a heavy, bass-driven electropop beat. The mastering and mixing were done by John Greenham and Rob Kinelski, respectively.

"Bellyache" is rich with symbolism and metaphors that deepen its narrative of crime and guilt.

• The Bellyache: The most central metaphor is the "bellyache" itself, representing the physical manifestation of guilt and remorse. Instead of feeling powerful or better after committing murder, the protagonist is left with a sickening, internal pain, making the abstract emotion of guilt a tangible, physical experience.
• Garbage Bags and Money: In the music video, Billie drags a red wagon filled with black garbage bags and cash. The bags are a grim visual metaphor for the bodies of her victims. The money she throws around carelessly symbolizes both her ill-gotten gains and her attempt to discard her guilt, treating a serious transgression with a flippant attitude.
• The Yellow Outfit: Eilish's all-yellow outfit in the music video carries multiple symbolic meanings. Yellow can connote cowardice ("yellow-bellied"), instability, and deceit. In some cultures, like ancient Egypt, yellow was associated with the dead, fitting the song's theme of murder.
• The Noose as a Necklace: The lyric "The way I wear my noose like a necklace" is a stark metaphor for the protagonist's relationship with her crime. It suggests a suicidal ideation born from guilt, but also a dark, reckless fashion statement—embracing her new, dangerous identity while being trapped by it.
• The Gutter: The line "Maybe it's in the gutter, where I left my lover" uses the gutter as a symbol for moral and physical decay. It's a place of filth and disposability, reflecting the narrator's self-worth and the perceived value of the life she took.

The emotional atmosphere of "Bellyache" is a complex and deliberately unsettling mixture of apathy, anxiety, and deep-seated guilt. The song creates a chilling emotional landscape through the stark contrast between its musical tone and lyrical content. On the surface, the upbeat, almost danceable chorus and Eilish's light, airy vocal delivery project a sense of detached coolness and nonchalance.

However, beneath this veneer lies a dark and troubled emotional core. The lyrics narrate a story of murder, with the protagonist questioning her sanity ("Where's my mind?") and feeling a visceral, physical sickness from guilt (the "bellyache"). This creates a powerful tension between the listener's auditory experience and their comprehension of the narrative. There are shifts in emotion throughout; the verses have a more intimate, secretive feel, while the pre-chorus builds a sense of rising panic and confusion. The chorus then explodes with a strange mix of regret and a catchy, melodic hook, embodying the character's internal conflict of being a psychopath who regrets her actions but simultaneously doesn't seem to care. The overall effect is one of macabre irony and psychological disturbance.

"Bellyache" was a significant song in Billie Eilish's early career, helping to establish her as a unique and formidable new voice in pop music. Released as the second single from her debut EP Don't Smile at Me, it became one of her first viral hits, showcasing her dark, narrative-driven songwriting and genre-blending sound. While it didn't enter the main US Billboard Hot 100, it spent 32 non-consecutive weeks on the Bubbling Under Hot 100 chart, peaking at number three, indicating significant and sustained interest. It also charted in several other countries, including Australia, Canada, and the UK.

The song received widespread critical acclaim for its inventive production and mature, if macabre, lyricism. Its unique sound, merging acoustic elements with electropop and R&B, was praised as a refreshing take on pop. The accompanying music video, featuring Eilish in an iconic all-yellow outfit on a desert highway, further solidified her distinct visual aesthetic. The song has been certified multi-platinum in several countries, including the US, Australia, and Mexico. "Bellyache" remains a fan favorite and a staple of her live performances, including her sets at major festivals like Coachella and Glastonbury. Several artists have covered the song, and it was officially remixed by the duo Marian Hill.

The rhyme and rhythm of "Bellyache" are integral to its structure and mood, creating a hypnotic yet jarring effect that complements its lyrical themes.

The song follows a relatively straightforward rhyme scheme in its verses, often using couplets (AABB), which gives it a nursery-rhyme-like simplicity that contrasts sharply with the dark subject matter. For example, in the first verse, "gum" and "car" don't rhyme, but the internal structure feels balanced, leading into the pre-chorus. The second verse uses the rhyme of "money" and "funny."

The chorus employs a more complex pattern: "gutter" / "lover" (A/A) and "fake" / "bellyache" (B/B). This creates a memorable and satisfying hook. The use of both perfect rhymes ("gutter"/"lover") and near rhymes enhances the lyrical texture.

Rhythmically, the song is composed in the key of E minor with a moderate tempo of 100 beats per minute. The song's rhythmic foundation begins with a simple, steady acoustic guitar riff. This establishes a calm, almost folk-like feel. However, this is dramatically interrupted by the chorus, which introduces a heavy, synthesized bassline and a more pronounced, danceable rhythm with influences of deep house and trap. This rhythmic shift is one of the song's most defining characteristics, creating a dynamic contrast that mirrors the lyrical tension between the protagonist's feigned apathy and underlying turmoil. Eilish's vocal rhythm is often syncopated against the main beat, adding to the song's laid-back yet unsettling groove.

"Bellyache" showcases a blend of literary and musical techniques that create its unique and unsettling atmosphere.

Literary Techniques:

• Fictional Persona: The song is written from the perspective of a psychopathic murderer, allowing Eilish to explore dark themes without personal confession. This narrative device creates distance while also inviting listeners into a disturbing but compelling story.
• Irony: There is a strong sense of irony in the juxtaposition of the upbeat, pop-sounding melody with the incredibly dark and violent lyrics. The line "It's kinda funny" in relation to being too young for jail is a prime example of situational irony, highlighting the character's warped perspective.
• Rhetorical Questions: The recurring question "Where's my mind?" functions as a rhetorical device that underscores the narrator's confusion, guilt, and psychological unraveling.
• Vivid Imagery: The lyrics are filled with specific, powerful images like "mouth full of gum," "bodies" in the back of a car, and a "noose like a necklace," which grounds the abstract horror in concrete details, following the writing principle of "show, don't tell."

Musical Techniques:

• Instrumentation Shift: The song famously begins with a simple, acoustic guitar pattern, which creates a folk-pop feel before abruptly shifting to a heavy, synth-bass-driven electronic beat in the chorus. This dynamic shift mirrors the lyrical contrast between nonchalance and the heavy weight of the protagonist's actions.
• Vocal Delivery: Eilish employs a range of vocal styles, from a soft, almost whispered delivery in the verses to a clearer, more bell-like tone in the chorus. This dynamic vocal performance enhances the song's emotional complexity, conveying both intimacy and detachment. Her use of slides and vowel modification adds a unique, stylistic flair.
• Rhythmic Complexity: The track is set at a midtempo 100 beats per minute, combining a steady acoustic rhythm with a more syncopated, trap-influenced electronic beat. This fusion of styles contributes to its classification as electropop, R&B, and alternative hip hop.