In My Blood

"In My Blood" is a deeply personal and raw exploration of Shawn Mendes's experiences with anxiety. The song's meaning centers on the intense, often isolating struggle with mental health, capturing the feeling of being on the brink of surrender but ultimately finding the strength to persevere. The lyrics candidly depict a panic attack, with imagery of "laying on the bathroom floor" and feeling like "the walls are caving in." It moves beyond just describing despair; its core message is one of resilience. Mendes explained, "The concept of this song is about how it feels when you’re about to give up, and then you don’t." The recurring line, "It isn't in my blood," serves as a powerful anthem of defiance against the overwhelming feelings of anxiety, asserting that giving up is not part of his fundamental identity. The song also touches on unhealthy coping mechanisms, like drinking, and the modern anxiety trigger of constantly checking one's phone, ultimately highlighting a cry for genuine human connection and support. It marked a significant shift in Mendes's songwriting towards more honest and vulnerable topics.

The song opens with a raw and desperate plea for help. The narrator feels trapped and overwhelmed, as if the walls are physically closing in on him. He's lying on the bathroom floor, completely numb and detached from his own feelings, feeling insecure and lost. The thought of giving up crosses his mind, but an innate part of his being, something in his very blood, refuses to let him surrender.

He grapples with finding a way to cope, but nothing seems to work. The well-meaning but ultimately unhelpful advice of others—to have a drink or seek a fleeting distraction—is acknowledged and dismissed. He recognizes these as superficial fixes that won't touch the profound sense of crawling in his own skin. The cry for help becomes more urgent, a search for something or someone to pull him out of this state. He feels a deep loneliness and a desire for connection, but is also terrified of being alone again, stuck in a cycle of anxiety he hates, often manifested by compulsively checking his phone.

Despite the crushing weight of his emotions and the recurring temptation to give up, the chorus serves as a powerful, repeated affirmation. It's a statement of inner strength and identity. The struggle is immense, and the desire to escape is real, but the core of his being rejects surrender. This isn't just a fleeting thought; it's a fundamental truth he clings to. The song's bridge amplifies this desperation for support, with the repeated cry, "I need somebody now," highlighting the importance of reaching out and the human need for connection in moments of deep crisis. The song concludes not with a perfect resolution, but with this steadfast declaration of endurance, acknowledging the pain while fiercely holding onto the will to keep fighting because giving up simply isn't an option—it isn't in his blood.

"In My Blood" was written by Shawn Mendes along with his frequent collaborators Geoff Warburton, Scott Harris, and Teddy Geiger. Geiger also co-produced the track with Mendes. The song was the very first one written for his self-titled third studio album and was created at a studio in Malibu with an inspiring ocean view. Its creation marked a pivotal moment for Mendes, as it was the first time he openly addressed his personal struggles with anxiety in his music. He stated the only way to evolve his music was to be "more honest" and get as "raw" as possible, which led to the song's candid opening line about lying on a bathroom floor. Musically, Mendes was heavily inspired by the arena rock sound of bands like Kings of Leon, wanting to create something similarly anthemic. The song came together after about an hour of the writers discussing what Mendes wanted to convey, followed by jamming on guitar and building the production. Released on March 22, 2018, as the album's lead single, it was met with immediate emotional reactions from his team, confirming they had created something special.

The lyrics of "In My Blood" are rich with symbolism and metaphors that illustrate the experience of an anxiety attack.

• "The walls are caving in": This is a powerful simile and hyperbole that represents the overwhelming, suffocating feeling of a panic attack and a sense of being trapped with no escape.
• "Laying on the bathroom floor, feeling nothing": This image serves as a stark symbol of hitting rock bottom. The bathroom floor signifies a private, vulnerable space, while "feeling nothing" points to emotional numbness and dissociation that can accompany intense anxiety or depression.
• "Crawling in my skin": This visceral metaphor conveys a profound sense of discomfort, restlessness, and the feeling of being trapped within one's own body and mind.
• "In My Blood": The titular phrase is the song's central metaphor. Blood symbolizes one's core identity, heritage, and inherent nature. By stating that giving up "isn't in my blood," Mendes declares that resilience is an unchangeable part of who he is, a fundamental instinct he cannot betray.

The emotional landscape of "In My Blood" is a dynamic journey from despair to hope. It opens with a palpable sense of fear, sadness, and helplessness, captured through lyrics describing anxiety and panic. The soft, pleading vocal delivery and sparse instrumentation in the verses create an atmosphere of intense vulnerability and isolation. As the song builds, this gives way to a feeling of desperate longing for relief and connection, particularly in the pre-chorus and bridge. The chorus marks a significant emotional shift, exploding with a feeling of defiant hope and inner strength. While the underlying anxiety is never fully erased, the predominant emotion becomes one of resilience and a powerful will to survive, making the overall tone a mixed but ultimately uplifting one of struggle leading to empowerment.

"In My Blood" had a significant cultural impact, primarily for its honest portrayal of mental health struggles from a major pop artist. The song was widely praised by critics for its maturity and vulnerability, marking a new artistic direction for Mendes. It achieved considerable commercial success, peaking at number 11 on the US Billboard Hot 100 and becoming Mendes' fourth #1 on the Adult Top 40 chart, making him the first artist to do so before age 20. The song's importance was recognized with a nomination for Song of the Year at the 61st Annual Grammy Awards and a win for Single of the Year at the Juno Awards of 2019. Its message resonated globally, leading Mendes to record a special version with lyrics in Portuguese as the official anthem for Portugal's national football team in the 2018 FIFA World Cup, honoring his heritage. The song is often cited as a powerful anthem for mental health awareness, encouraging young people to speak openly about their struggles.

The song's rhythmic structure mirrors its emotional journey. It begins at a slower tempo, around 70 beats per minute, with a sparse arrangement that emphasizes the lyrical vulnerability. The rhythm is driven by a simple, repeating guitar riff. As the song builds towards the chorus, the introduction of a steady, heartbeat-like drum pattern increases the tension and pace. The chorus explodes with a powerful, driving rhythm, reflecting the anthemic and defiant message. The rhyme scheme is relatively simple and direct, often using AABB or ABCB patterns in the verses (e.g., in/up/can't/blood, floor/nothing/insecure/something), which makes the lyrics feel conversational and sincere. The pre-chorus and chorus maintain this accessible structure, focusing on the emotional impact of the words rather than complex poetic forms. This interplay between the restrained rhythm of the verses and the explosive rhythm of the chorus effectively captures the dynamic nature of an internal struggle with anxiety—the quiet desperation followed by a powerful push for survival.

"In My Blood" marks a stylistic evolution for Shawn Mendes, moving into a more mature, rock-influenced sound.

• Musical Arrangement: The song employs a dynamic build-up, a technique common in arena rock. It starts with a gentle, fingerpicking electric guitar and Mendes's vulnerable vocals, creating an intimate and desperate mood. As the song progresses, it introduces insistent, pulsing percussion that mimics a heartbeat, gradually swelling into a powerful, cathartic chorus with "shuddering drums" and "throbbing electric guitars."
• Vocal Delivery: Mendes's vocal performance is crucial to the song's emotional arc. He shifts from a soft, almost despairing tone in the verses to a raw, powerful, and soaring belt in the chorus, effectively conveying the transition from vulnerability to defiance.
• Literary Devices: The lyrics utilize direct, confessional language ("Help me," "I'm overwhelmed and insecure"). Mendes employs literary techniques such as simile ("it's like the walls are caving in") and powerful imagery ("Laying on the bathroom floor") to create a vivid emotional landscape for the listener.
• Instrumentation: The track is built on a foundation of pop-rock instrumentation, featuring prominent acoustic and electric guitars, bass, piano, and a driving drumbeat, with choral backing vocals adding texture to the final hook.