Lilith

At its core, Lilith is a deeply personal and haunting exploration of toxic romance, sexual trauma, and the complex dynamics of abusive relationships, specifically within a sapphic context. The song uses the mythological figure of Lilith—historically depicted as a seductive, dangerous demon or succubus—as an allegory for an overwhelmingly intoxicating but deeply destructive partner.

Explicitly, the lyrics describe a harrowing physical and emotional assault. The narrator recounts being overpowered, suffocated, and violated by a lover whose beauty masks her cruelty. The imagery of being pushed down into the water and having cold hands push through her thighs paints a stark picture of assault occurring against the backdrop of a celebratory night, highlighted by the fireworks in the sky.

Implicitly, the song delves into the psychological cognitive dissonance experienced by victims of abuse. The narrator is lured in by the magnetic allure of her abuser, believing herself to be the exception to the rule—the one who could 'fix' or truly understand a person everyone else recognized as evil. The recurring questions of 'How could you do this to me?' reflect the shattering of this illusion and the profound betrayal of trust. The song captures the paralysis of trauma, the loss of innocence, and the suffocating realization that the relationship was never a safe harbor, but rather a 'shallow shipwreck' designed to drown her.

The narrative opens under a surreal, almost apocalyptic night sky, where the physical form of the lover emits an eerie, otherworldly glow of green and blue. This vibrant luminescence overwhelms the natural environment, causing the fiery hues of the stars to dim in comparison. The protagonist stands in a pristine white dress, feeling the cold midnight wind, a garment symbolizing innocence and purity right before the dawn of a terrifying rebirth. This cinematic setting feels ancient and timeless, invoking imagery of a world reborn across a span of two thousand years, setting the stage for a tragic loss of innocence.

The story then plunges into a deeply traumatic encounter as the captivating allure of this female lover transforms into a suffocating nightmare. The protagonist acknowledges the breathtaking beauty of her partner, yet this beauty becomes the weapon used against her as she is aggressively pushed down into the water. This act of drowning represents a visceral struggle for breath and autonomy, mirroring a harrowing assault. While fireworks explode brightly in the distant sky—suggesting a backdrop of celebration, specifically New Year's Eve—the protagonist experiences a horrifying dissonance, feeling cold hands forcing their way across her body and invading her physical boundaries.

Paralyzed by the attack, the protagonist attempts to scream for help, but finds her voice completely silenced. Instead of air, her mind becomes clouded with the intoxicating presence of lilies. The soft petals float gently into her eyes, blinding her to reality and numbing her senses, a poetic metaphor for the blinding nature of toxic love and the psychological disassociation that occurs during trauma. She feels the terrifying sensation of fingers slowly crawling up her spine, emphasizing her utter helplessness and entrapment within the grasp of this siren-like figure.

In the aftermath, the lyrics transition into a series of desperate, agonizing questions. The protagonist repeatedly asks how such a profound betrayal could occur, pleading to be set free from the emotional and physical chains of the abuser. She reflects on their relationship, questioning when their supposed love deteriorated into a 'shallow shipwreck'—a vessel that offered no true depth or safety, only destruction. She realizes that the warnings from others about her lover's evil nature were completely justified, shattering her naive belief that she could be the one to change her. Ultimately, the story is a harrowing recounting of being lured by a mesmerizing succubus, only to be dragged into the inescapable, suffocating depths of an abusive, traumatic romance.

The creation of Lilith was born out of a profound need for emotional catharsis and healing. Adeline Troutman, known professionally as Saint Avangeline, wrote the track to cope with a traumatic incident involving sexual assault and a toxic relationship that occurred on a New Year's Eve a couple of years prior to the song's original release. She shared with her audience that it was a trauma she desperately needed to process through songwriting.

The song was officially released as part of her debut 2022 album, Gardener of Eden, with production handled by The Chivers Beat Company. The track heavily reflects Saint Avangeline's personal identity as a lesbian, purposefully centering the narrative on a female love interest—a thematic element she had previously explored by flipping the genders in her popular Lana Del Rey covers. Lilith went on to gain massive viral traction on platforms like TikTok and Instagram, accumulating tens of millions of streams and cementing her status as a rising voice in the alternative pop scene.

The song is rich in evocative, gothic symbolism. The central metaphor is Lilith herself, representing the abuser. In mythology, Lilith is an alluring but deadly figure; here, she embodies the irresistible yet venomous nature of the toxic partner. The narrator's white dress serves as a classic symbol of purity, innocence, and martyrdom, creating a stark visual contrast to the dark, violent events that unfold.

Water and drowning are potent metaphors for the suffocating nature of the abuse and the feeling of losing control during a traumatic event. The relationship is described as a shallow shipwreck, implying that it lacked true emotional depth and was doomed to ruin from the start.

One of the most layered symbols is the presence of lilies clouding the narrator's mind. Lilies are traditionally associated with funerals and death, symbolizing the death of the relationship and her innocence. Furthermore, given the artist's real first name is Lily, the phrase acts as a poignant double entendre—her own identity and consciousness are being overwhelmed, paralyzed, and erased by the trauma. Finally, the fireworks juxtapose the horror of the assault with a setting of celebration, emphasizing the isolation of experiencing trauma while the rest of the world rejoices.

The emotional landscape of Lilith is overwhelmingly melancholic, terrifying, and tragic. It is steeped in the visceral fear of a traumatic assault, interwoven with the lingering, complicated attachment of a trauma bond. The atmosphere is tense and claustrophobic, crafted through the brooding instrumentation and echoing, desperate vocals.

The emotional tone shifts from an eerie, mesmerizing calmness in the opening lines to sheer panic and desperation during the choruses. The listener directly feels the narrator's exhaustion, profound sadness, and the bittersweet realization that the trust and love she offered were entirely weaponized against her.

Lilith proved to be a massive breakthrough for Saint Avangeline, achieving viral status on platforms like TikTok and Instagram, where it amassed over 56 million streams. The song resonated deeply with listeners, particularly within the LGBTQ+ community, for its raw, unflinching portrayal of toxic relationships and sexual assault within women-loving-women (WLW) dynamics—a topic that is rarely explored with such gothic, mythological depth in mainstream music.

The track's success solidified the artist's place in the modern alternative pop scene, drawing favorable comparisons to Lana Del Rey's earlier cinematic work. By taking a painful personal experience and transforming it into a universally haunting anthem, Saint Avangeline created a cultural touchstone for survivors of abuse, offering solidarity and a space for complex catharsis.

The song utilizes a tight, evocative rhyme scheme in its verses, heavily relying on consecutive end rhymes (e.g., blue / hues / view / anew) to create a hypnotic, incantation-like flow. This rhythmic predictability lulls the listener into a false sense of security, mirroring the seductive trap set by the abuser.

Rhythmically, the song maintains a slow, deliberate tempo that mimics the ebb and flow of dark water. The pacing is intentionally dragged out to build suspense and convey a sense of heavy, inescapable dread. The interplay between the somber, steady musical rhythm and the frantic, desperate lyrical pleas in the chorus creates a powerful tension, highlighting the disparity between the narrator's internal panic and the agonizingly slow passage of time during the traumatic event.

Musically, Lilith is rooted in dark, ethereal alternative pop and dream pop, heavily drawing from gothic aesthetics and reminiscent of artists like Lana Del Rey. The production relies on atmospheric, melancholic soundscapes that perfectly simulate the sensation of drowning or being submerged underwater.

Vocally, Saint Avangeline delivers the lyrics with a chilling blend of fragility and despair, capturing the emotional exhaustion of a victim. The song also leverages her personal experience with chromesthesia (where sounds evoke colors), reflected in the intensely visual, color-coded lyrics like 'skin glowed green and blue' and 'fiery hues'.

Literary techniques include the persistent use of rhetorical questions to build an atmosphere of entrapment and desperation. Personification and vivid sensory imagery are used heavily to contrast the ethereal beauty of the siren with the grotesque reality of her actions, creating an intoxicating but terrifying narrative environment.

What is 'Lilith' by Saint Avangeline about?

'Lilith' is a deeply personal song about surviving a toxic, abusive relationship and sexual assault. Saint Avangeline uses the mythological figure of Lilith as an allegory for an alluring but deeply dangerous female lover, exploring the cognitive dissonance and trauma of being betrayed by someone you love.

Is 'Lilith' based on a true story?

Yes, Saint Avangeline has stated that the song is loosely based on a real, traumatic incident she experienced on New Year's Eve a couple of years prior to writing the track. She wrote it as a way to cope with and heal from the trauma of that night.

What does the 'shallow shipwreck' mean in the song?

The 'shallow shipwreck' is a metaphor for the relationship itself. It suggests that despite the narrator believing their love was profound and deep, it was ultimately superficial, disastrous, and designed to cause her harm, leaving her emotionally stranded and drowning.

Why are lilies mentioned in the lyrics?

The line 'lilies clouded my mind' operates on multiple levels. Lilies are traditional funeral flowers, symbolizing the death of innocence. Additionally, the artist's real name is Lily, suggesting her own identity and consciousness were being overwhelmed and erased by the abusive partner.

Why is the biblical figure of Lilith used in the song?

In mythology, Lilith is often depicted as a seductive, dangerous succubus. Saint Avangeline used this figure to perfectly encapsulate the nature of her abuser—someone who is undeniably magnetic and breathtakingly beautiful, yet inherently destructive and evil.